The first time I saw HBO’s Deadwood, I was swept away by it’s horrible language and graphic violence, and I haven’t looked back since. Because HBO cancelled Deadwood a season early - thereby guaranteeing themselves a place in Hell - I’m always on the lookout for Westerns that can live up to it, at least a little bit.
Appaloosa is based off the 2005 novel by Robert B. Parker, about two lawmen-for-hire who come to the defend the small western town from badman Randall Bragg. They spend their days talking tough and pistol-whipping bad guys until seductive temptress Renee Zellweger (who should probably stop doing movies) comes to town and tests their friendship in ways they never thought possible.
I think the biggest thing this movie has going for it is the charisma between Ed Harris’ Virgil Cole and Viggo Mortensen’s Everett Hitch. You see two people who are psychologically good friends. That is, they can spend most of their time together not feeling like they have to talk to each other. Their idiosyncrasies are so internalized that they can deal with each other without having to think about it. It’s this relationship that saves the movie from the moment Renne Zellweger steps off that train with her Bridget Jones accent and bunched-up face.
I will give Renee one thing (even though I hate her), her character was much more rounded-out than the run of the mill damsel in distress you normally see in Western movies. The same is true of Harris and Mortensen. This is why Deadwood was such a great show. These movies are so much more when they focus on the characters, rather than the cattle rustler who gets called out by the sheriff… you know, or whatever.
I think there are too many screenwriters out there who read a book, and when they try adapting it for the screen, they don’t know what to cut, so they try and cram everything in. You see this in movies like Battlefield: Earth and Battlefield: Earth, and the atrocious Battlefield: Earth. You can’t cram 500 pages of book into two hours of movie. I felt like Appaloosa took a different approach. They filmed a movie that follwed the book almost page for page, and then cut out chunks of it to meet it’s two-hour runtime.
There were parts of the movie where the narrative would take this big leap forward and really throw me off. When Renee Zellweger is introduced to Ed Harris (SPOILER ALERT), it’s like, “Hi Mr. Harris, my name’s Renee.” “Well howdy, ma’am.” “Did you hear, Mr. Mortensen? Mr. Harris and I are moving in together.” Oh yeah, they’re moving in to-bwaaaahhhh? How did this happen? They’ve known each other two hours. The last time I moved in with a woman I had known for only two hours I woke up one morning in a bathtub full of ice.
This isn’t the only example. You’ll see it toward the end, as Harris, Mortensen and Irons enter their showdown. In the end, I felt like there were chunks of the movie that I was missing. And while the two leads, joined by the good-in-everything-he-does-even-Alien-vs-Predator-and-that’s-saying-something Lance Henriksen, put in great performances, the zig-zagging plot was a little too distracting. I give this one a B-. Rent it on your fancy-shmancy AT&T U-Verse machine, but don’t fret if you miss it’s run in theaters.
I can imagine that after making the incredibly depressing yet incredibly awesome No County For Old Men, the Coen Brothers looked at their latest crime-caper-gone-awry and said, “Oh it’s good to laugh again.” And laugh we did. Burn After Reading isn’t short on funny, even though it lacks some of the cohesion of other Coen movies like O’ Brother Where Art Thou and The Big Lebowski.
Osbourne Cox is a CIA analyst who quits the Agency after being confronted by his boss about his drinking problem. His wife, Katie, is having an affair and talking to a lawyer about a divorce. At the lawyer’s request, Katie puts all of Osbourne’s financial records on CD, only to lose it at the gym. The disc is found by two employees, Chad Feldheimer and Linda Litzke, who want to use the information to blackmail Osbourne. I don’t know about you, but I bet things don’t work out just like they planned! (Actually I know it doesn’t because I’ve seen the movie.)
What worked. The Coen Brothers are A-list filmmakers, and their movies attract A-list talent. Burn is no exception. Everyone here is at the top of their game. John Malkovich as Tourette’s poster child Osbourne and Brad Pitt as the bumbling Chad deliver the biggest laughs of the entire movie. The always funny J.K. Simmons (who’s great in anything he does, whether he’s barking out orders at the Daily Bugle, or burning swastikas into Beecher’s ass) bows in a hilarious performance as a clueless CIA bigwig. And George Clooney makes men everywhere question their own sexuality.
What didn’t work. There are epic movies, like The Lord of the Rings. There are solid movies, like 3:10 to Yuma. And then there are movies that, for one reason or another, feel like extended television episodes. Burn moves along at a brisk 95 minutes. And while it’s not a direct knock against it, I’ve found that it can be hard to get invested in movies that are too short. The Coens are masters at finding humor in dark situations, and filling their movie with unexpected twists. Burn is no different, but a few unexpected twists may be a little too much for some people.
This was a good movie, and easily one of the summer’s (we’ll lump it in) best comedies, but I can easily think of four or five Coen movies that top it. I give it a B. Take your girlfriend out to see it. Just don’t tell her about all the profanity.
An hour into Traitor, I leaned over to my friend and asked, “So, what’s the point of this, again?” The trailor sets the stage for a pretty good action flick. Don Cheadle plays a government operative who’s gone underground to infiltrate a terrorist organization. Jeff Daniels plays his case officer, handling things for him State-side. It’s kind of like The Bourne Ultimatum. As long as we get some good fight scenes with Don Cheadle crushing a guy’s throat with a book of matches, I’m down. Two hours and one, “I guess Muslims are people too.” later, I felt a little disappointed.
(Beware. There be spoilers here.) Cheadle plays Samir Horn, an Army officer working in Yemin who’s trying to, surprise surprise, infiltrate a group of terrorists. But after a string of bombings throughout Europe, Horn’s case officer begins to wonder if his agent has switched teams. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what was going on. Jeff Daniels doesn’t show up until about 45 minutes into the movie, and no mention of Cheadle being undercover is made for about an hour. Cheadle’s helping these terrorists plan another attack on the United States, this one involving a string of explosions on buses across the American heartland. While his handlers would have brought him back in long before, Daniels has cleared any record of him from the books so he can complete his mission, which of course is to meet and kill the terrorist bigwigs. Along the way, two FBI officers, played by Guy Pearce and Neal McDonough, investigate Horn, who they aren’t aware is actually on their side.
Speaking of Pearce and McDonough, it turns out FBI work is a million times easier than I ever imagined, because all Guy Pearce did was spend a few minutes in interrogation rooms, telling people that if they gave him some information, he’d be able to help them out. Not surprisingly, 100% of the time, it worked every time. Neal McDonough stands behind him and says sarcastic stuff. As my friend said, the only things missing were sunglasses and the CSI intro music.
I didn’t leave the theater thinking the movie was bad, just very transparent. Is Don Cheadle in too deep? Are the lines between terrorist and freedom-fighter beginning to blur? Do a few extremists speak for the entire Muslim world? You don’t even have to ask, because all those answers are given to you. After seeing the trailer, I was just expecting a different movie. On the upside, Cheadle’s more than capable of taking on the role of leading man. And Said Taghmaoui performs well as Cheadle’s terrorist friend, who at first distrusts him, but gives him his grudging respect as the two talk about how life is like a game of chess as they, get this, play a game of chess! Now that’s DEEP.
While other movies dealing with terrorism and the Middle East are able to deliver their message much more subtlely (Syriana comes to mind), I was surprised not to see a 30-second “The More You Know” spot after the credits with Cheadle telling the audience how Muslims are as rich and diverse a people as any other. It’s a good message, but loses some of it’s impact when it’s spelled out for the audience. I give the movie a C+. It wasn’t horrible, and I could’ve stood to see Cheadle beat someone up with a box of napkins, or at least a pair of blue jeans.
In Portuguese, the title of Saramago’s book translates into something closer to “An Essay On Blindness,” as in, what would the effects on society be if everyone were to suddenly lose their sight? As you can imagine, pretty damn scary. I think one thing literature has taught us is that if something happens to everyone, everywhere, and at the same time, it’s going to be bad. You’d think everyone going blind would be the biggest s**tstorm of all time. Blindness doesn’t disappoint.
When people in a nameless country inexplicably lose their sight, the government is quick to throw them into quarantine. But as their numbers begin to grow and the fear of becoming infected spreads, things quickly spiral out of control. Locked in an abandoned mental hospital, a small group, led by a doctor and his wife - who can still see - must learn to navigate their way through a society that’s coming down around them.
Blindness was originally written in Portuguese, then published in English in 1997. For some reason, it always comes as a surprise that one language never translates exactly into another. Such is the case here, which leads to interesting results in the book’s prose. The not-quite-perfect English makes you feel as if the story is something you’re experiencing and not reading. The almost total lack of punctuation, the dialogue of one character flowing into that of another gives you the feeling that you’re the one who’s blind. I found the device clever here when I found it kind of annoying in other books (I’m looking at you No Country for Old Men).
As is often the case with books like these, there are plenty of “oh sh*t!” moments. You’ll find yourself putting the book down, imagining what life might be like if Julianne Moore were the only person in the world who could see. You’ll also be tempted to close your eyes and try performing the most rudimentary tasks - such as using the toilet - in the dark. Do not be fooled, the consequences are devastating and your wife will probably make me sleep on the couch for what I did to the carpet.
Saramago seems to be a keen student of human nature, and this is one of the most enjoyable parts of the book. You empathize with and understand the characters, because you see yourself in them. You’ll have a hard time not putting yourself in their position, and wondering exactly how delicate society’s balance between order and chaos truly is.
The movie adaptation is due out September 26th, and stars Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo. Check out the tailer below.
Dave Matthews Band saxophonist Leroi Moore passed away yesterday due to complications from a June ATV accident. We’d like to take a moment to recognize a great musician and offer our condolences to his friends and family.
Walking out of this movie, all the way back in 1997, I thought it would be a real funny prank to drop-kick my brother in the nuts and yell, “I know kung-fu!” He was none too pleased, as are his as-yet unborn children (sorry bro). This week, we take a look at…
1. Trinity.
What is it about a woman in leather that gives me hot pants? Trinity had me hoping she’d take the red pill, as in THE MORNING AFTER! ZOMGROFL!!1! …uuuhhhh. I’m sorry.
2. The clothes.
Morpheus showed us that you could beat the hell out of whoever you came up against, and look good doing it. Well, at least you could look good. He got his ass pretty well handed to him.
3. Joe Pantoliano.
We all enjoyed watching this guy, who for some reason, looks a lot like Jackie Earle Haley. In the movie’s final cut, he meets his end after Marcus Chong shoots a lightning bolt into his chest. There was a scene that got scrapped, however, where Cypher kills Tony Soprano’s horse and Chrissy cuts his head off. Good stuff.
4. “I know kung-fu.”
The Matrix is like the ultimate bit-torrent engine. So what would your Matrix powers be? I’ve got mine narrowed down to Drunken Boxing, Robot Boxing, doing the robot, doing the dew and keeping it real. And my Matrix name is Sandra Day O’Connor.
5. The Almighty Power of HACK.
How do you hack a computer? What about a system as complex as the Matrix? We’re not completely sure, but we do know a few things. First, you need like ten computer screens. This way you can look at, like, all the symbols and stuff. Then you need like twenty keyboards so you can hack everything at once. And make sure your OS shows everything in weird symbols that don’t do anything when you type in commands. And make sure you have a good place to take cover when the Internet explodes.
That’s all for this week. Will I get my act together and keep these things more regular? Tune in next week to find out!
Do you yearn for simpler times when men were men, sexism was charming and pregnant women could smoke without feeling bad? Then make sure you check out the second season premiere of Mad Men tonight on AMC. Every bit of hype you’ve heard about this show is true.
I had to toss out my first review, because it turned out not to be a review, but a thirty-stanza poem about my love for Gillian Anderson. It’ll eventually be published in a book I’m writing, tentatively titled “My Love For Gillian Anderson”. I’m shopping it around right now. So watch out for it.
I Want To Believe picks up six years after the series’ end. Our ex-agents are in West Virginia, Mulder still in hiding and Scully a doctor. After the disappearance of an FBI agent, the Bureau is contacted by Father Joe Crissman, a convicted pedophile ex-priest who claims he’s having psychic visions that can help them find her. When Father Joe turns up a cut-off arm buried in the middle of an empty field, the FBI gets in touch with Scully and asks her to send Mulder a message. If he can come and weigh in on whether or not Father Joe is legit, they’ll clear his name. It takes a little prodding, but he accepts, and we’re off!
I’m a huge X-Files fan, so I’ll get my complaints out of the way before anything else. As most people know, the film doesn’t really touch on the show’s mythology. Chris Carter’s reasoning being that he wanted to make the movie as accessible to new viewers as possible. I’m not sure if that was the right decision. The movie might attract a few new people, sure, but the people who are really going to want to see it are fans already. So when the government conspiracy that Mulder and Scully spent a decade trying to uncover is barely hinted at, it makes things a little confusing. Where are Doggett and Reyes? What happened to Gibson Praise? Did Toothpick Man and the Syndicate just give up looking for Mulder? Inquiring minds want to know.
About an hour in, the movie’s plot gets a little muddled and you’re confused in the end as to what the bad guys were actually trying to do. The movie’s two subplots, one dealing with a sick child being treated by Scully and the other with Mulder and Scully’s relationship, almost felt like they were arguing with each other over who was more important. It was a little unnatural and made the movie feel more like an extended episode. Now that that’s over with…
The story definitely feels like The X-Files, and that’s enough to bring a lot of fans back in. As Mulder and Scully, Duchovny and Anderson never disappointed and jump right back into their roles here without missing a beat. And Billy Connolly as Father Joe, along with Amanda Peet and Xziibit, make nice additions to the cast. Watching the movie you realize you’re just happy it’s back.
In the end, going back to The X-Files is like sitting on an old couch. One that’s perfectly grooved to the shape of my ass. Comfortable. Reliable. Revisiting these characters is like going back home, and that’s why I can turn a blind eye to any of the movie’s shortcomings. There’s a scene toward the end of the movie when (**SPOILER ALERT!**) AD Skinner turns up, and you heard half the theater go, “There he is!”. Stuff like that is half the fun of these movies. You go in and your already friends with everybody.
There are a lot of people saying that Carter and co. should have skipped another movie altogether. One complaint I’ve heard is that the show’s become irrelevant since it went off the air. Probably one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. One, it’s only been six years since the show ended. Two, I think audiences are still hungry for these types of stories. I don’t think I can watch FOX for five minutes without having three or four commercials for Fringe thrown in my face. So… me 1. Haters 0.
The movie has a few structure issues, but it’s a worthy edition to the X-Files universe, especially if Carter follows it up with his proposed sequel, dealing with the imminent alien invasion, the date of which was revealed in the series’ last episode. Non-fans won’t mind waiting a few months to check it out, but X-Philes will be eager to jump back on board.
I should have had a running commentary going from the beginning of the season, since this one has been so different from the past three. Anyway, these are some random thoughts I’ve had after watching the show these past few weeks…
1. If I woke up one morning and read that Mary Murphy had been hit by a train, would I be sad? (extra points if she’s hit by a Hot Tamale Train)
2. Is it just me, or is Mia Michaels slowly disappearing up her own a**hole?
3. A few years back, my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors would go in and operate and then check again, but the cancer was still there. Comfort and Mark are kind of like that (well, Mark anyway).
4. Hey judges, is it possible Jessica had a hard time remembering what a great dancer she was because you constantly told her how much she sucked?
5. Why was it called LL Cool J’s new song when he doesn’t sing?
6. Whether in politics or dancing competitions, I’m not sure the American public can ever be trusted to make the right decision.
Wow. Wow. The summer blockbuster season might as well pack it in and go home, because it’s over. See you later Step Brothers. Shake a leg Swing Vote, because it’s done son. We’ve been waiting three years for Christopher Nolan’s follow-up to 2005’s Batman Begins, and holy piss, was it worth it. And not only did we get a great film, but the greatest superhero movie ever made.
As Batman continues to clean up the mean streets of Gotham City, desperate criminals are scrambling to save their crumbling empire. Taking advantage of the confusion is one of Gotham’s new breed of criminal, a man they call the Joker. Why does that sound awesome? Because it is awesome.
Watching as all this unfolds is Batman. As the Joker takes control of Gotham’s underworld and the body count begins to rise, Bruce Wayne is forced to ask himself if the creation of such a fantastic hero as Batman is really to blame for all this. If, in his desire to make the city a safer place, he’s only upped the ante in a game he’s not sure he can win. Or rather, a game in which he’s not sure he can do what he needs to in order in win.
I hate to say it, but these types of movies have changed since 9/11. The line between hero and villain has been blurred and they’re presented to us in a much more gritty, realistic way. As far as superheroes are concerned, this method has been met with some criticism. Frank Miller, of Sin City fame, explained it like this…
People are attempting to bring a superficial reality to superheroes which is rather stupid. They work best as the flamboyant fantasies they are. I mean, these are characters that are broad and big. I don’t need to see the sweat patches under Superman’s arms. I want to see him fly.
I think it’s a valid criticism, but not one I necessarily agree with. When superheroes are presented to us as “flamboyant fantasies,” I’m not sure they can progress beyond a certain complexity and ultimately don’t affect us on the level a movie like The Dark Knight does.
The movie’s complexity is served not only by it’s story, but also by it’s actors. Christian Bale, Aaron Eckhart, Gary Oldman. All are in top form from start to finish. And while they were all great and a delight to watch on screen, it was as if God himself looked down on Heath Ledger’s Joker and said, “You are my finest creation.” From his first scene (and it’s AWESOME), his entire performance was brilliant.
There’s a giant internet slap-fight going on right now, with people arguing over who’s better, Heath Ledger or Jack Nicholson from 1989’s Batman. They’re both representative of two different cultural mindsets and I don’t think you can truly compare the two. And while I loved Nicholson’s portrayal and get a little giddy every time I hear the line, “Hubba hubba hubba! Money money money! Who do you trust!”, Ledger’s Joker was much more rounded-out than Nicholson’s and in the end you understand him better. This is really driven home in a scene halfway through the movie (that they’ve hinted at in previews), in which Batman interrogates the Joker at Police HQ. In it, you understand who these two characters are, and why the Joker is considered Batman’s nemesis. For me, it was probably the best part of the whole movie. But then again, I’m stupid like that.
Two small complaints (I’m sorry!). At a hefty 152 minutes, the movie does start to drag a little toward the end. And, Batman does have a few more crazy gadgets that make you scratch your head a little. One of the things I’ve enjoyed most about these two movies is that they don’t really mess with all the crazy bat-crap the comics and the Joel Schumacher movies got bogged down in. But, these are small things and - at the risk of sounding like someone who’s just gulped down a big pitcher full of Batman Kool-Aid - it doesn’t really matter. Everything I liked about this movie completely outweighed the things I didn’t.
The movie is set to make all sorts of money this weekend, so a third installment is as good as in the bank. And honestly, I have no idea where they’re going to take it. Aaron Eckhart plays Gotham D.A. Harvey Dent, and anyone who knows anything about Batman knows what happens to him. With that in mind, I felt that while the focus of the movie would be on the Joker, Dent’s story would set things up for the next film. We’ll just say that all my expectations were dumbfounded. That’s right, they were found to be dumb. I don’t want to spoil too much, but I will say that the Joker doesn’t die. And while I don’t think Nolan would ever try to find anyone to try (because they could only try) and follow up Heath Ledger’s, you’d think they would try and give some resolution to his storyline. I guess we’ll see.
This is the best movie you’re going to see this summer. So if you haven’t seen it already, run out to your nearest IMAX and enjoy it in all it’s six-story, high definition goodness. And then go do it again.
The first time I saw HBO’s Deadwood, I was swept away by it’s horrible language and graphic violence, and I haven’t looked back since. Because HBO cancelled Deadwood a season early - thereby guaranteeing themselves a place in Hell - I’m always on the lookout for Westerns that can live up to it, at least a little bit.
