Attack of the Clones: The Review

If you caught Red Letter Media’s Phantom Menace review a couple of months back, you’ll be happy to know that their Attack of the Clones review is coming soon. Check out the trailer below.

More Red Letter Media here.

David Brent visits Dunder Mifflin

It looks like The Office crossover we all wondered would ever happen is…happening. In an interview with British newspaper/boobie mag The Sun, Ricky Gervais announced that David Brent would be making the trip to Scranton, Pennsylvania.

“I think it would be funny for David Brent to walk into the US Office and hear them go, ‘Oh my god, there’s two of them!’ We don’t need to know about Brent’s back story – the English Office exists in a cocoon and in the DVD. Michael Scott could just bump into Brent, who is a bloke from England. I don’t think we’ll take any of the other UK characters over – we’ll probably leave it with just me because it’s just too complicated.”

I think this is going to inject some much needed funny into a season that’s seen its highs and lows, but mostly lows. No word yet on when the episode will air, or how many times Gervais will be able to say the word “****.”

LOSTWATCH!! – “It worked.”

It worked! Or did it? The answer is no, it didn’t. But what if it did? Unfortunately, we’ll never know, although I have a feeling we just may find out.

Jack and the other Losties are back on Flight 815, but not just any Flight 815. Small details aren’t as we remember them. Jack’s hair is different, Sun and Jin are Vietnamese, Rose and Bernard can’t keep their hands off each other, and Boone looks like a young porn star Jack Nicholson.

Even though the plane isn’t crash-landing on some crazy island, the flight is still chock full of action…

…a lot of banal small talk…

…and so many sensual misunderstandings.

So anyway, they land. Kate escapes from the Federal Marshal, Sawyer is dashing, and Locke isn’t depressed about being in a wheelchair.

At the end of the episode, we get the feeling that Jack knows more than he’s letting on.

Well, that’s it. Alls well that ends well, right? I hope you enjoyed Lost, everyon–wait. There’s more. Well, okay. What’s this? Kate in a tree? On the island? The Swan site? Noo! It didn’t work! (Or did it?) Jack’s got some egg on his face, and tensions are running high.

And what? Juliette!

But suddenly, they hear a small voice coming from the wreckage of the destroyed hatch. It’s Juliette! And she’s alive! But how do they get to her?

Sawyer: I’ve got an idea. Let’s wrap these chains around the bumper of a 30 year old van and use it to haul these gigantic steel beams away.

It works somehow, and Sawyer is able to get to Juliette. After falling down a 300 ft. shaft and being crushed by tons of rubble, she’s barely hanging on, and she looks horrible. Sadly, it wasn’t meant to be.

So Juliette’s dead and everybody heads to the temple, except for Sawyer and Miles, who hang around to bury her back underneath all the rubble. Where she was. In the first place.

Luckily, the creators chose the very last season to introduce yet another mystery: the Other Others. They swarm out of the temple and take the Losties prisoner. And here’s their leader! This is what we’ve been waiting for. The wise old oriental man comes out of the shadows to tell us all that the island is nothing but an “ain-shee-en Shy-nee see-caret.”

Chinese Guy: Me no like-um.

No, wait. That’s an indian. How about this?

Chinese Guy: Shoo’ dem!

Hurley blurts out that they’ve been sent by Jacob. That changes their tune. So he hands over the guitar case, and the Chinese Guy finds a list inside with all of the Losties names on it. So what the hell, they’ll fix Sayid. Using their mystical temple magic, they submerge him in a pool of healing waters, which promptly kills him.

Chinese Guy: He dead now. You pay me.

Jack: That’s not what we wanted.

Chinese Guy: You pay!

Jack knows that, unless he pays, there’s no way he’ll ever get his dry-cleaning back, so he forks over a couple of bucks. Before the guy leaves, he asks Hurley to come with him. He takes him to a special room full of bonsai trees, because of course, taking care of bonsai trees is what Oriental people do to relax. Why didn’t he just take him to his opium den or Korean grocery store? Anyway, Hurley delivers the bad news: Jacob’s dead. Before he knows it, everybody is going batsh*t crazy, locking the doors and spreading ash on the ground.

LOCKE him out? I don’t know. Something’s coming. And it’s not good.

But we’re not finished yet! Jacob’s dead, and the Chief has spent the entire afternoon questioning Locke about the murder. With nothing to pin on him, he tries one last thing.

They have to let him go. As Locke leaves the police station, the Chief thinks about something he said…

Locke: I used to sing in a barbershop quartet in Dharmaville, Iowa.

Locke: And just like that, he was gone.

On the next episode of Lost, Desmond returns with his long lost brother…

“Welcome to Paris, baby.”

Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia, and now, From Paris with Love. If you see only one film this year, this must be it. Directed by Pierre Morel — who gave us only a small glimpse of what was to come with 2008’s Taken – From Paris with Love is a film that is truly more than the sum of its parts, and as such forces us to ask what makes it one of the greatest action films of our generation.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers plays James Reese, an aide to the U.S. Ambassador to France. Reese works at the embassy by day and runs errands for the C.I.A. by night, but his dream is to one day work as an undercover agent. That wish is fulfilled sooner than he bargains for when he’s assigned to work with Charlie Wax (John Travolta), an Agency operative whose methods are a little unorthodox (to say the least!). While working with Charlie, Reese discovers that the target they’re chasing may be closer to him than he ever imagined.

From Paris with Love taps into the fear and paranoia that is all too common not only in the United States, but in a global community desperately trying to cope with the realities imposed on it by a post-9/11 world. The film is a microcosm for a wide array of issues facing us today, from racial stereotypes to the effect love can have in a person’s life, and these issues are all deftly handled by Morel and the cast he’s assembled.

John Travolta’s performance is an absolute revelation. Not since Wild Hogs have we glimpsed the man’s depth and range as an actor. Charles Wax has it all. He’s tough, yet underneath that carefully constructed exterior we glimpse the man’s heart, his soul. And although Wax’s self-imposed code would prevent him from saying it outright, he yearns to impart something of his knowledge to his young, doe-eyed partner. There are layers here, and in the film’s scant 95 minutes we only scratch the surface of a character that is arguably one of the most dynamic ever written.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers, the Lacey to Travolta’s Cagney, more than holds his own against an actor with close to four decades in front of the camera. Not only has he stepped into the role of James Reese, but also into the role of the viewer. He is us, and takes us along with him as he navigates the uncharted waters of religious extremism and undercover espionage. As he grows, we grow, and by the film’s end we’re all looking at the world through older, wiser eyes. The curtain is pulled back and Reese sees the dangers that lurk behind it, yet he never doubts the powerful change love can wreak in one’s life, because he’s seen the consequences one suffers when they refuse to open themselves to it. A simply stunning performance.

From Paris with Love is nothing less than a cinematic masterpiece. Both beautiful in its execution and frightening in its authenticity, it is a film that will be remembered long after most contemporary films have long faded into memory. Pierre Morel has obviously set himself up for a very long and successful career, and if he ever sees fit to bring these characters back to the big screen, I’ll be there, cheering them on.

30 Rock, “Verna”: Say no. Talk low. Let her go.

Verna may be the funniest episode of 30 Rock in a season that’s still been funny but just a little disappointing… or maybe a lot disappointing. But that’s only because it’s 30 Rock, and we expect great things from it. Anyway, the best episode in a mediocre season might not be saying much, but I really thought it held its own among the best the series has offered so far.

Unlike Alan Sepinwall, I thought that, even though Jack’s issues with his mom have played a central role in several episodes, tonight’s was able to bring it back in a fresh way, which never overpowered Jenna’s issues with her own mother (played by SNL alum Jan Hooks, who’s aged terribly). Overall, I considered it a win for the show, especially in light of the fact that it was able to balance that perfectly with its other storylines: Frank crashing at Liz’s apartment, and Kenneth ruining Pete’s alone time every morning.

One part of Sepinwall’s review I do agree with had to do with Liz and Frank. Members of the cast and crew crashing with Liz is something we’ve seen before. And while those episodes were funny, I thought the scenes of Liz and Frank at home were considerably less funny. Still, the fallout we saw at the end was pretty good. While Liz sleepwalking, sleep-ordering-a-pizza and sleep-eating-cigarettes was only beating the look-how-disgusting-Liz-is stereotype into the ground, watching Frank rub up against that mailroom chick on Liz’s couch made for some funny television.

One last thought: I thought the runner with Pete and Kenneth was hilarious throughout. Scott Adsit, who plays Pete, is probably one of the show’s best kept secrets and I wish they’d find ways to use him more than they do.

Stuff I liked:

• Did anyone notice that in Liz’s dream, both she and Jack were wearing wedding rings?
• “His name is Mr. Wiggles, and his cat’s name is Benson.”
• Pete sticking a thumbtack in his neck.
  

The Office, “Sabre”: Have you ever tasted a rainbow?

Tonight’s episode of The Office felt like the concluding act in a short string of episodes that’s told fans, “We’re sorry. We’ll try to do better.” I think that so far this season, we’ve seen the show pass up opportunity after opportunity to do something special, to change things up. It’s sort of like when Rachel Maddow is on, and the remote is all the way across the room. Yeah, I mean, I want to get up and get it. Change the channel and watch something better. But meh, Maddow’s not so bad.

What I mean is that the show, especially this past season, has become very comfortable with itself. Michael is zany and over the top, Dwight is annoying, and watch out because he doesn’t like Jim very much! And Jim, well, him and Pam got married. What the hell else is the show supposed to do? In addition to the show, the characters themselves have become more and more passive. When Oscar went along with Michael and gang to the Dunder Mifflin shareholders’ meeting, they both had a chance to get in there and change some things, instead, they ran away in the limo. It was all a little dissapointing.

Now that Dunder Mifflin is out and Sabre (remember, that’s SAY-ber) is in, it seems like the perfect time for the show to reboot itself. As funny as the show can be when Michael puts himself and the rest of the office into uncomfortable positions, I think it’s hit some of its highest moments when Michael proves how levelheaded and competent he can be. Jumping in his car and speeding away after walking out on his new boss (in a great cameo by Kathy Bates) may not exactly have been level-headed, but I do think it showed that Michael was looking for some sort of solution to the situation he found himself in.

He thought he’d find this solution in David Wallace, but it wasn’t meant to be. David, now unemployed, spends his days eating marshmallow spread and playing music. After Michael realizes that David isn’t going to be any help — and that scene of him backing out of the driveway while David followed and waved was the funniest beat of the night — he heads back to the office. I thought the orange juice he brought back and the half-toast he gave was his way sticking his thumb in his new boss’ eye. Michael is Michael, and in the end he’s going to do things the way he’s going to do them, Sabre, Kathy Bates and Christian Slater be damned. I feel like he was coming back to the office with a renewed vigor, and it feels like that is translating to the show as a whole. I guess we’ll see.

Stuff I liked:

• The tag at the end, with David Wallace and his son jamming out with each other. He’s not so bad on the drums.
• Michael and David in the hot tub. “There are very few things that would make me not want to team up wit David Wallace, and ’suck-it’ is one of them.”
  
• Pam asking the guy at the daycare if he wasn’t going to let Jim and Pam in because Jim walked in on him in the bathroom.
• I like the fact that Erin likes Andy, and that Andy is too dense to know to do anything about it.
  
• Christian Slater.
  

Modern Family, “Moon Landing”: We call that a splash-down.

People tend to be split down the middle on how Modern Family puts together its episodes. Some don’t mind when the three families go the entire time without seeing each other, and some prefer the ones in which they all find ways to interact. I think the show is perfectly capable of hitting on all cylinders whether the families are together or not. And if they find some way to keep half the family separate while letting a few of them get together, it seems like a perfect balance.

And that’s what we saw tonight. Gloria and Manny were off with Mitchell while Cameron and Jay played racquetball. But my favorite of the three storylines tonight was the Dunphees and the perfect storm of embarrassment that came down when Claire tried to impress her high-powered businesswoman friend — played by Minnie Driver — with how perfect her life at home was. Seeing Luke in his underwear cradling a bottle of Jägermeister while Dylan and Haley “fornicated in the stairwell” really brought it all home. All this, capped off with Clair stuffing her face with junkfood while Phil told the kids that she was probably taking a nice, long walk was the icing on the cake.

At the Television Critics Association press tour last month, creator Steve Levitan talked a little bit about constantly trying to strike the right balance between cynicism and heart in the show. I think it’s always a good idea to change things up, especially on a show like this, but I’ve never felt that the show’s heart has ever felt over-the-top or contrived. So tonight when Claire came to her senses, swallowed her pride and went back home, the family accepting her back into the fold without so much as a word didn’t seem out of place at all.

One thing I think the show needs to work on is finding more effective ways of using its guest stars. Modern Family hasn’t been able to do this the same way shows like 30 Rock have. 30 Rock makes me laugh at Salma Hayek while Modern Family makes Edward Norton look like cleverly-placed window dressing. They’re getting better at it. Case in point, “Fifteen Percent,” with guest star Chazz Palminteri. I thought they were able to give him a little more to do, and really hit their beats with his stereotypical “homosexuality.” Even 30 Rock struggled to find its voice with this, and I’m sure Modern Family will eventually be doing it just as well.

Stuff I liked:

• “One of my lovers lives in Paris.” “I don’t know what jumps out of that sentence more. ‘Lovers’ or ‘one of.’”
• Manny ratting out Gloria. I think they always use his character most effectively when he’s talking to adults.
• Cameron shouting into the phone while Jay is talking to Mitchell. It’s always funny watching Cameron shove his sexuality into Jay’s obviously-uncomfortable face.
  

Things We Like #11: Black Dynamite

I don’t know how I missed this movie when it came out, but it is hilarious. Don’t forget that he’s super cool and he knows kung-fu. He drives a $5,000 car and wears a $100 suit.

The Bourne Prequel…Coming Soon?

Several months ago we heard that Paul Greengrass, director of the last two Bourne films and the upcoming Green Zone, had opted out of directing a fourth Bourne film. But when recently asked if anything about that had changed, Matt Damon had this to say…

“There’ll probably be a prequel of some kind with another actor and another director before we do another one, just because I think we’re probably another five years away from doing it. We’ve got to get a script.”

What does it all mean? Will the Bourne franchise — arguably the kick-assiest spy franchise we’ve seen in the last ten years — go the way of Spiderman and get the reboot treatment? Will we see a young Jason Bourne, now only a timid high school student, go toe to toe with Conklin and his rambunctious group of n’er-do-wells? And what about the werewolves? Questions, questions, questions.

LOSTWATCH!! – “Do you have any idea how badly I want to kill you?”

A lot has happened since our last LOSTWATCH!! A lot that I’ll eventually write about and post sometime around ahhcoughcoughmumblemumble. But for now, enjoy this “special” “edition” of LOSTWATCH!! in preparation for tonight’s sixth season premiere! That’s right. The last season of Lost EVAR!!1!

We’re going back — way back to where it all began — to meet Jacob, who lives on the island in a sexually ambiguous relationship with his roommate.

Other Guy: How’d that boat find the island?

Jacob: No idea. *snicker*

Other Guy: Do you have any idea how badly I want to kiss you? I mean kill. I badly want to kill you. Uhhhuhuh… *cough* Well. I’m gonna go.

Jacob’s been busy, and we see him visiting our heroes, or gathering his flock, as it were. When he sees a young Kate stealing lunchboxes at the cornerstore, he offers to pay for it.

Jacob: I’ll atone for your sins, little girl. I mean, pay for your lunch box.

We don’t know what he’s doing, but we know he looks good doing it.

Sawyer, Juliette and Kate are finally headed back to the real world. Still, Kate can’t shake the feeling that there’s something she forgot to do.

Kate: Oh. Uh, guys. So, Jack has this bomb, and well, you’re gonna laugh when you hear this, but…

Sawyer’s having none of it, but before he knows it Juliette is beating the hell out of the Dharma captain and turning the sub around.

Sawyer: Wha happen?

Juliette: I changed my mind. Woman’s prerogative. *wink*

He can’t stay mad at her, and they head back. Once they’re on the beach, they meet up with some old friends. Rose and Bernard have been living on the beach for years now, blissfully unaware of the Losties and all the s**t they’ve been getting themselves into.

Kate: Get ready to have your worlds rocked, because Jack’s got a bomb!

Bernard: We hardly care about that, Kate. We’re retired!

Kate: Get back to me when your skin’s melting off your body. Face!

Elsewhere, Jack, Sayid, Richard and Eloise are taking the hydrogen bomb apart so they can move it to the Swan site. While they’re working, Richard asks Jack about Locke.

Richard: So, Locke. Is he, you know, special?

Jack: You mean like first kiss special or… retarded special?

Richard: Um, a sunrise. Like, you think he could be the One?

Jack: No he’s more retarded special.

Richard: Hm. Well, we’re in Dharmaville now. Most of the things on this island involve guns, so watch out for all the people shooting guns at you.

Luckily Hurley and Miles are waiting with a Dharma van, and once Jack and Sayid are inside, Hurley guns it for the Swan site. But they don’t get very far. Kate, Juliette and Sawyer are waiting for them.

Sawyer: Hey, doc. Mind if we have a chat?

Jack: Uh, sure.

Sawyer: Well, how ’bout we talk about a punch to face! And a pile drive to the face!

Juliette runs up and pushes Sawyer off him. Surprise! She’s having second thoughts.

Sawyer: You’ve got to be f**king kidding me.

Juliette: I changed my mind. Woman’s prerogative. *wink*

Sawyer: You’re really starting to piss me off.

Jack straps the bomb to his back and crawls off toward the Swan, and Kate helps him scope the place out. Before Jack goes down, Kate brushes the bloody skin flaps out of his eyes, and says that, maybe, if they make it through all of this, they’ll finally settle down, buy that house they’ve always talked about and have some niños. Such a nice moment, but it’s cut short because things are starting to get hot down by the drill. Dr. Change and Bobcat Goldwaith are arguing with each other.

It looks like they’ve just hit the pocket of electromagnetism. We’re all so excited that we don’t even realize that this concept makes absolutely no sense. Jack runs up like Steamin’ Willie Beamen and tosses the bomb down the shaft.

Liam Neeson: Release the Kraken!

Jack: Uh-oh! Shit gettin’ real!

Magnets grab Juliette and drag her down into the pit. Sawyer tries to grab her but it’s too late. She’s gone, and there’s no. possible. way. she could ever survive the fall. Or is there?

In the future, Locke and his merry band of Christians are on their way to meet Jacob. Locke takes the time to ask Ben some questions.

Locke: So, what’s Jacob like?

Ben: Ah, man, he’s like… he’s like a total ass. I don’t even like him anymore.

Locke: Why did you lie about seeing him?

Ben: Because that’s what I do, John. I lie. So if you’re going to keep listening to “liars,” and “masturbators,” then I feel sorry for you.

Locke: Well, no, it’s just that– Wait. What was the second thing you said?

They finally get to the four-toed statue, and Locke takes Ben inside. They got some business to take care of. Unfinished business, or maybe risky business. I’m not sure. Outside, the folks from the Ajira flight show up, and they’ve brought a surprise. It’s dead John Locke.

Richard: But if he’s there, and he’s there, then…uh-oh!

Inside the statue, Locke and Ben find Jacob. Ben immediately bursts into tears. He runs up and hugs Jacob.

Ben: I always believed in you! Why didn’t you believe in me? What about me?

Jacob: What about you?

It turns out Ben was always a little psychotic, and Jacob’s finally pushed him over the line. He pulls out a shank and stabs Jacob in the chest. This will not end well.

Juliette, who’s still alive because of, oooh, let’s say magnetism, picks up one of her severed limbs and begins beating it over the bomb, because that usually works. Suddenly, the bomb ex–

Here’s hoping your Lost experience is orgasmic as I know mine will be!