Tag Archives: Radha Mitchell

“We’re in trouble.”

Unless you’re fifteen years old and very easily satisfied, there’s not a whole lot to expect from horror movies these days. Most are riffs on the same old themes. Get a bunch of people trapped in some crazy person’s warehouse or out in the desert or in Slovakia, and make sure their guts are hanging from the rafters by the time the credits start rolling. Easy enough, amirite?

Because I’ve had my heart broken before, I wasn’t expecting much more than that from The Crazies. It looked like it had some good zombie-movie-type thrills and I have a hard time saying no to that sort of thing, so I was happy to waste an hour and a half watching it. Still, there was a dark corner in the back of my mind that told me I would be horribly disappointed by the entire thing. You know what? I was pleasantly surprised. The movie didn’t have me up on my feet and clapping at the screen, but I thought that, overall, the movie was competent. Would you believe, very competent?

I’ve never seen the 1973 original, but from what I’ve read the plot isn’t that different. There’s a man-made virus that’s gotten into the water supply of a small rural town, and it’s driving the people there insane. As the military moves in to contain the entire thing, the sheriff and his wife try and make it out of town without getting themselves killed. The Crazies scores major points for not relying on the same old horror movie cliches. There are points in the movie where it looks like things are being set up to give us some big, gory payoff, only to switch tracks at the last minute and give us something altogether different. The movie relied much more on the plot’s natural tension and the audience psyching themselves out rather a bunch of mindless violence. I thought it was a good change of pace.

But if you are indeed fifteen years old and Hostel had you wetting your pants, you too will not be disappointed. There’s plenty of people getting shot and stabbed and cut up to satisfy most fans. There’s a knife fight in there that was a little over the top, but for the most part none of the violence felt gratuitous. Just the good ole’ necessary kind. Your parents and teachers may tell you otherwise, but trust me, it is necessary.

Timothy Olyphant as Sheriff David Dutton has a couple of ham-it-up moments in the movie, but those are few and far between. After Deadwood, The Crazies, and now Justified, I wonder if we’ll ever be able to look at him without a sheriff’s badge or sticking a gun in someone’s face. Methinks not. Radha Mitchell plays Olyphant’s pregnant wife, and I managed to go the entire movie without remembering how much I hated her after Silent Hill (not for her performance, but for how much Silent Hill sucked), so I consider that a win for her. The movie’s breakout star is Joe Anderson, who plays Deputy Russell Clank and was able to bring some emotion into the film that I actually thought felt genuine and not trite.

The Crazies probably won’t go down in any Hall of Fame, but neither will it go down in any sort of Hall of Shame (a ridiculous idea!). It’s a solid story that understands what it is and honestly doesn’t try to be anything more than that. Because of that, I felt it really succeeded at what it set out to do. It’s probably one of the more down to earth horror films we’ve had in the past few years, which I think is a good thing. Definitely worth your money. B

5 Things We Love About Movies With Guns – Man On Fire

It’s a rare case when we get a movie that was more interesting than the book it was based off of, but that’s exactly what we got with…

Denzel Washington is a washed-up soldier. Dakota Fanning is the little girl that finally forces her way… into his heart. Along the way, lots of people get killed. Let’s take a look!

1. Mexico City.

Maybe Mexico City doesn’t belong on a list of things we love, because it’s obviously the most dangerous city in the entire world (well, maybe behind Bahgdad. MAYBE.). You go outside, you get kidnapped. And probably have your ear cut off. After your parents are robbed of millions of dollars, you’re dumped in your underwear off the Av Insurgentes Nte. Which obviously is pretty horrible. It’s a pretty picture though.

2. Christopher Walken.

“Listen. Creasy. I live heah. In Mexico. I lihve. Like a king. Ovah heah. And. No. I hahve no ideah. If Gawd. Will fuhgive us. For waht. We’ve done. Heah. Hahve some ribs.”

I love Christopher Walken. And what’s not to love? This guy does nothing but hang out, eat barbecue and read off of cue cards.

3. Putting a punk in his place.

“I’m going to tear your family apart piece by piece! YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” Coolest line in the whole movie.

Maybe it’s a good thing the picture is a little blurry. Good guys spend plenty of time getting knocked around by the bad guys, while we in the audience can do little more than cringe and wish it weren’t so. Not in this movie. Creasy has a thing for tearing off people’s fingers, whether it be with a knife, or a sawed-off shotgun, as with this poor bastard.

4. Sticking a big ole’ suppository bomb up someone’s ass.

Not only did Creasy blow up the guy’s motorcade with a bazooka, he strapped him to the hood of a car in his underwear with a bomb up his butt. And then, when he tried the whole, “Leesten Senior Creesy, I am jus’ a profesional. I am sorry about ‘de leedle gurl,” Denzel roasted him. Fantastic.

5. Sacrificing yourself for the little girl.

He shot everybody’s hands off, and still got Dakota Fanning back. Of course, he had to trade himself to save her, but she’s worth it. And in the end, it didn’t matter. He had already been shot and was half dead anyway. So, just when the bad guys think they’re gonna go to work on him, they look, and he’s slumped over in his seat. It’s the ultimate f*** you! Linda Ronstadt’s Blue Bayou plays us out.

That’s all for this week. Until next time! Send suggestions to fuggidup@yahoo.com.