Is Flavor Flav the ugliest man ever?

The answer just may surprise you!**

Flavor Flav. Rapper. Star of the 1984 film, Gremlins, and VH1’s cultural train wreck, The Flavor of Love. Lover of large clocks. “The Flav” (to his friends) has to be the ugliest man ever put on television. Remember when your best friend performed at the talent show? He jumped around the stage doing karate and yelling, “Hiyah! Heee-YAH!”, then tripped over the gym mat and everybody started laughing. You knew that he was the pear-shaped loser, but for some reason your ears were burning. It felt like everyone was laughing at you, because you were embarrassed for him. Remember when that happened to me? Well, that’s not the case with Flava. We love every sphincter-clenching minute of screen time they give this crazy-*** *****. Let’s take a look!

Here, in an impressive example of movie magic, is a picture of Flavoure as one of those freaky gremlins. Chris Walas, who worked as a special makeup effects artist on the film said, “We were shooting for a week before we realized he wasn’t wearing any makeup. We’re still not sure how he was able to shoot more of those things out of his back every time he got wet… He really is a goblin, huh?” Hahaha, he sure is.

One of The Flav’s favorite clocks. Where does he get them from? Why is he wearing an Oreo letter-jacket with Nutter Butter and Nilla Wafer patches on it? It’s all part of the Flave’s mystique, and the reason why dozens and dozens of dirty women are willing to go on national television to get just five minutes in a jacuzzi with this shriveled-up male specimen – who, without a shirt on, looks surprisingly like a strip of beef jerky. Mmm, I can just imagine those hickory-smoked juices in my mouth right now. And so can dozens and dozens of dirty women.

This last picture needs no explaining. Of course, the smart Gremlin who wore a suit and glasses and sang show tunes made the movie for me.

No amount of editorializing is needed to conclude that, yes, The Flav (I can call him that because I’m his friend) is in fact, the ugliest man ever. And, you know, maybe that’s why haters wanna hate. Because we’re all ugly too, but not nearly as popular. The third season of Flavor of Love starts in January. Set your TiVo’s everyone!

**Answer will not surprise you.


2 responses to “Is Flavor Flav the ugliest man ever?

  1. Although you do have a good point about flavor flav, there are some pretty bad boy band kids on the Disney Channel. I don’t remember their names, but one is dating that Hannah Montana girl. I take it all back, you are right, ff is one ugly man.

  2. I vomit every time I look in the mirror.

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