cereal

While cereal fifty years ago had such recognizable benefits as “keeping the brain warm” or “staving off the croup”, today’s cereals seem only to be concerned with providing mindless entertainment to a generation of increasingly stupid and increasingly ugly children. We’re all used to seeing games on the back of kids cereal boxes. These got their start during World War 2, when the British government printed pieces of Nazi and Japanese code on jars of Marmite, then challenged patriotic children all over the country to “crack the code!”. Of course, if it weren’t for these programs we’d all be living under the crushing heel of national socialism. The war went away, but the games stayed, slowly transforming over the years into the puzzles and word-jumbles we know today. Take “Sun Fun”, from a box of cereal I recently bought from a Winn-Dixie in Yazoo. Why not? Let’s show kids how much “fun” the “Sun” can be. There’s an exploding thermometer, to remind kids that the Sun is, like, HOT. Like HOT hot. And then a turkey(?)… riding a UFO(?)… into the sun(?)? I understand that on some level it makes sense. Turkeys need to be cooked, so let’s do it inside a star that burns at 27 million degrees. If you’re going to do it, do it up phat. But the turkey is already cooked. And dressed. So why is it riding back into the sun? Fifty years ago, our greatest generation broke the Enigma Code. Kids today know that the sun weighs 300,000 times as much as the Earth, but if it were a clerk in a butcher shop, it would weigh… meat. It sure would.

Let this be a warning, to you.

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