Stuff White People Like – Guitar Hero


White people are commonly split into two categories: those who play guitar and those who wish they could play guitar. Those who can play enjoy sitting in the quad, impressing passersby with pieces of Stairway to Heaven or Time of Your Life, while those who can’t sit nearby, imagining what life might be like if they could play.

For the musically ungifted, there’s Guitar Hero, a videogame in which the focus is not on musical talent, but on mashing different buttons in time with four songs you’ve heard of and twenty you haven’t. Guitar Hero has provided a way for white people to live their dreams of fame and stardom vicariously through their Playstations and XBoxes. Truly it has revolutionized the gaming industry, but more importantly, people’s dreams.

Of course, the game alone is worthless unless there’s someone nearby to show off to, and for this reason white people often throw Guitar Hero parties. The opportunities provided here are twofold: 1) They’re able to impress their friends with their painstakingly-learned button-smashing abilities and 2) White people are able to display creativity by dressing up in costumes. Dressing up comes with the added benefit of making them the center of attention (something white people also love) while making a beer run to HEB or Albertson’s. Running through the aisles knocking things over and laughing like twelve-year-olds is a way of asking those around them, “Don’t you wonder what we’re up to?” In an ironic twist, those they encounter couldn’t care less and take necessary steps to avoid them, or hilariously lampoon them by taking their picture and writing about it on their blog.

Even more exciting than Guitar Hero is the release of Rock Band, a game which allows white people to play not only guitar, but bass and drums as well. This is especially exciting for white bass players and girls. The bass players, who have always lived in the shadow of their black counterparts, and the girls, who are naturally bad at all video games. The game also allows players to sing, which has it’s pros and cons. Unlike guitar and drums, it provides no way to cover up the player’s complete lack of talent, but it does call back to white people’s natural love of karaoke.

**Was the above post cleverly written commentary on a popular blog that’s currently taking America and much of the Third World by storm, or a cheap ripoff written out of jealousy (and a little spite)? You decide!

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5 responses to “Stuff White People Like – Guitar Hero

  1. Def not a cleverly written commentary. Total rip-off. It took me 5 min to realize I had actually clicked on Jimmy Bings blog and not the other (that will remain nameless).

    Stick to what you know, and you most certainly do do not know white people.

  2. bill:

    If it took you five minutes to figure out you were on the wrong blog, this one must have been a pretty good spoof… Doh!

    It takes less than five minutes for literate folks to read it (I’m just sayin’…)

    Plus, he’s right. I listened to the NPR interview and laughed my a*s off when a caller from the Midwest phoned in yapping about how White people LOVE Precious Moments figurines and wasn’t that just so funny? Hehe, the writer, Christian, was actually stumped…

  3. Frond:

    Go f**k yourself. Literate my dick.

  4. Woah fellas, we’re all friends here, so let’s all laugh together…

  5. i liked the post.

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