When we left off last week, Starbuck was holding a gun to President Roslin’s head. In typical womanly fashion, Starbuck lays a total guilt trip on her, bringing up all those times Roslin wanted her to go to Caprica for this or that, and Starbuck just did it. Now Starbuck needs Roslin to do something, and where is she? Also like a typical woman, Roslin tries shooting Starbuck in the face. Before things get too out of control, the marines bust down the door and haul Starbuck to the brig.
Meanwhile, the Cylons take a break from playing piano and dancing naked to argue over what needs to be done with the Raiders, who have all registered as Conscientious Objectors to the war since they’ve discovered the Final Five inside the Colonial Fleet. Natalie, a new Number 6 model, sees this as a glorious leap forward in Cylon evolution. Cavil just wants to cut something up. They decide to hold free elections. Both go out to stump for their prospective parties.
Back on Galactica, Tigh, Tyrol, Anders and Tory continue with their weekly Cecret Cylon meetings. They’ve ruled out the possibility that Starbuck is the fifth Cylon, and figure there’s a chance Baltar might know something. Tigh will do anything to get the information he needs. And he means anything.
Tigh: Anders, you’re the prettiest one here. You know what you have to do.
Anders: Couldn’t we just send Tory?
Tigh: … Wait, what did I say?
Adama visits Starbuck, who’s eating her hair. Adama’s been drinking and slaps her around for a while.
On the Basestar, the Cylons have voted on what to do with the Raiders. While Natalie and her group won the popular vote, Cavil was able to steal it with some tricky electoral math. Simon says the quickest way to do things would be to lobotomize the Raiders one. At. A. Time. Battlestar Hostel ensues as we watch Simon drill and hack away at a Raider’s brains.
Baltar is eating in the mess hall with his army of Fembots when he catches Tory spying on him from across the room. He comes over and strikes up a conversation, and that leads to a whole bunch of sex, which is great because it’s about time Gaius got some. After Tory leaves, Baltar is paid a visit by Head Baltar. He tells him that Tory is “fragile” and that if he plays his cards right, he just might get lucky. *Wink*. Hate the game, not the player.
Meanwhile, at the Adama’s, Laura and Bill are discussing what they should do with their daughter, Starbuck. Laura wishes Bill would grow a pair and show the girl some discipline. Bill reminds Roslin that she couldn’t shoot Starbuck even though she was holding a gun right in her face. Roslin’s opening the mail.
Roslin: Thirty-five cubits? Bill, did you pay the water?
Adama: I thought I had.
Roslin: Dammit Bill.
Lee has quit his job as CAG to go off and be professionally good looking. He visits Starbuck in the brig, and the whole thing looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch photo shoot. Before leaving, they kiss passionately, I’m sure for the last time.
Natalie confronts Cavil, Simon and Doral on the Basestar. She gives them one last chance to stop lobotomizing the Raiders, or else they’ll be sorry. They all guffaw and Cavil snarls, “Or else what?” Natalie trots out two Centurions and says that she’s had their Telencephalic Inhibitors removed and that they’re now self-aware… and pissed off! Cavil spits out a mouthful of Cristal, yelling, “Jigga what!?” There’s a big, awesome, slow motion shoot-out and everyone dies. Natalie wonders whether or not it’s lonely at the top.
In the hangar deck, Adama and Helo meet secretly with Starbuck. Adama says he wishes he could quit her, but he can’t take the chance she really knows something about Earth. He gives her the toilet ship and tells her to go — go out and show them all. Will she? Tune in over the next few years to find out!