Shut up. You, like everyone else, went to Best Buy or Fry’s or wherever, found it in the Bargain Bin, and said, “Awesome!” This week, we take a look at one of Sylvester Stallone’s best roles (because honestly, how many really good ones were there?)…
1. The ABC War Robot.
What would life be like if we were followed around by an 8 ft. tall robot with machine guns in it’s hands and who did everything we told it to? Awesome. It would be awesome.
We all know that if there’s ever some sort of nuclear disaster, and we somehow survive it, we’re more than likely to be transformed into hideous mutant monsters. He can only hope that our uber-Christian preacher fathers will be able to outfit us with Six Million Dollar Man cybernetic implants, and that there will be enough airplane crash victims for us to eat.
3. Rob Schneider.
I think it’s great that Rob Schneider has given up success and a career of his own so that he could focus on co-opting the success of others who are still relevant and still making good movies. Anyway, he was decent in this movie and some of his lines were pretty funny. Little did he know that the s**tfest that was Deuce Bigalow would have a retroactive effect on all his previous work, also moving it into the s**t catagory. We’ll make an exception for Judge Dredd… and for SNL.
4. Block war, man!
Don’t you hear ’em out there? It’s block war, man!
5. The Lawgiver.
I thought it would be kind of obvious to do an article on things we loved about movies with guns, and then have one of those things be the guns themselves. But this time around I couldn’t resist. The Lawgiver does everything. It shoots flairs, grenades, standard rounds, armor-piercing rounds, and in the movie’s deleted scenes, you see it actually make Dredd a ham sandwich. Who wouldn’t want one of these things? Don’t pick it up though, because they’re booby-trapped.
Be back next week for a new edition of 5 Things We Love About Movies With Guns. As always, if you’d like to see a movie reviewed, write us at firstname.lastname@example.org.