In honor of the new James Bond flick, this week we take a look at…
1. Free Running.
If there’s a point to free running beyond looking really cool and jumping over stuff, I haven’t found it. I’m not a pro like this guy here, but try it every now and then. Last weekend, me and a friend of mine went out, and after chasing each other through a construction site, ended up driving a bulldozer through an elementary school. We put kids out on the street. It was on the news. The school district is pressing charges. I think everything’s going to turn out alright, though. Damage was only about $200,000.
And then there was this funny part where… Bond is all like… ummmm… what?
3. HOLY S**T NO!
And this is where the movie took a horrible turn. I’m still not sure why I’m sticking this on a “Top 5 Things We Love” list. Maybe it’s because James gritted his teeth and took his beating with gusto. Maybe it’s because I was also once kidnapped by a gang of international criminals, stripped down and repeatedly hit in the soft stuff with a length of thick rope. Long story short, they mixed up the hotel rooms and took me by mistake. They were so embarrassed they comped my hotel room. I had a blast.
If it weren’t for generals in third-world countries nobody had ever heard about, Bond villains would never get anything done.
5. The crazy acid trip thing.
At the beginning of every Bond movie, James drops some glue or pop or whatever it is the kids are doing these days, and suddenly naked chicks start dancing and playing cards explode out of thin air. After more than forty years, we just kind of accept it.
And, this week, a bonus number 6…
6. “The name’s Bond. James Bond.”
There he is. His girl is dead, so the entire world’s in trouble. It’s all good, though. Once you see how suave he looks in that suit, you’ll WANT him to shoot you in the kneecap.
That’s all for this week! Want to see a movie reviewed? Write us at firstname.lastname@example.org.