Monthly Archives: April 2009

What did you see?

I’ll tell you what we saw, ratings gold! Go out and buy a hat, then get ready to hold the f**k onto it, because this is the next big thing. Maybe you noticed these commercials during tonight’s episode of Lost.

ABC is doing some early promotion for a series that it hasn’t officially announced yet. It’s called Flash Forward, and is based on the novel of the same name by Robert J. Sawyer. Let’s check out zap2it for more info!

The show is based on Robert J. Sawyer’s novel and follows the fallout from a cataclysm in which the world’s entire population blacks out for just over two minutes. In addition to dealing with the chaos that ensues when everyone wakes up — everything from car crashes to people walking off rooftops — people soon come to realize that they all had a vision of their futures. The network says that those investigating the event will have only “a huge mosaic of people’s flash forwards” to go on.

ABC has already set up a website you might want to check out. It’s sure to be all the rage at your office’s water cooler in the coming weeks, with everybody talking about what they saw and such. Check out Wikipedia for more on the book.

LOSTWATCH!! – “I’ll miss you, John. I really will.”

Jeremy Bentham is the author of the bestselling series, Parliamentary Reform Catecthism. After finishing his latest book, he’s taken a much-needed vacation in the middle of the desert. But one night, after being caught in a snowstorm and wrecking his car, things go horribly wrong. Jeremy wakes up to find he’s been taken in by Annie, his self-proclaimed, “number-one fan.” While at first she seems good-natured and helpful, things quickly change. When Jeremy tells Annie about his plan to bring his friends, even Sun, back to the island, Annie becomes angry!

Annie: I can’t let you go, Jeremy. You’ll stay here, and write a new episode of Lost. One where you don’t have to wear Jack’s dad’s shoes. Because, what the hell kind of sense does that make?

And yeah, she breaks his legs..

Bentham is eventually rescued by the enigmatic Desmond Mobay, who smashes Annie in the head with a pig trophy. He and Bentham take off on a whirlwind trip across five continents and twenty three countries town to try and convince the Oceanic 6 to come back to the island with them. First up is Sayid, who for some, *ahem* unexplained reason, has only been able to get work shingling roofs.

Sayid: John! Can you tell this guy I speak English?

Foreman: You take el shingles, okay?

Sayid: Do you understand me? I have a double doctorate in astrophysics and archaeology!

Foreman: No dinero today!

Well, Locke tried, I guess, but it just wasn’t meant to be. Next up is, Walt? Yep. He’s back. Walt is now 47 and living on New York’s Lower East Side. When Walt sees him, he can tell that Locke’s been under a lot of stress.

Walt: You know what you could use?

Locke: The gentle touch of a man?

Walt: Tyson’s Chicken Nuggets.

Locke: But the island — wait. What?

Walt: They’re Anytizers! You can have them anytime! Get it?

Locke: Are you kidding me? You know, if that explosion hadn’t killed your dad, this would have.

Walt: Dad’s dead?

Locke: Get away from me.

Locke leaves Walt to think about the choices he’s made. Next, he visits Hurley at the mental institution. After spending so much time wearing pajamas and a robe, and having other people clean up his mess for him, he’s really kind of let himself go.

Hurley: I just gave myself a Holy Frijole. Look it up.

Locke: Um, I forgot. The island doesn’t need you to come back.

Things really haven’t gone as well as Locke would have hoped. But he still has a few people to visit, and hopefully Kate will be more receptive. Surprise! She’s not.

Kate: Have you ever loved somebody, John?

Locke: Huh?

Kate: I think about you sometimes. About how desperate you were to stay on that island. Then I realized, it’s because you’ve never–

Locke: Blah blah blah you’re a bitch. Thanks anyway.

Locke is so upset that when he leaves Kate’s place he has a heart attack and passes out. When he comes to, he’s in the hospital, and you’ll never guess who he meets! It’s Jack, who’s begun a long downward spiral, apparantly.

Locke: Have you been drinking? It’s like ten in the morning.

Jack: Dude, you’re lucky I even showed, okay?

Jack has to totally, like, split, before his sponsor freaks out. So, Locke’s failed. None of the others have agreed to go back with him. A defeated man, who obviously takes things way too far, Locke goes back to his ratty apartment to hang himself. Of course, things never go as planned.

Locke: Well this isn’t working. I’m going back to the island.

One week later, on the island.

Caesar: So, how did you enjoy your trip, my main man?

Locke: It was… to DIE for?

Grab its greatness.

The good folks at Knopf were generous enough to send this over.

For the uninitiated, or those who can’t read, that’s James Ellroy’s (L.A. Confidential, The Black Dahlia) new book, Blood’s A Rover, which after many many years, will complete his Underworld USA trilogy. This summer, we’ll be reviewing all three books leading up to Rover’s release in September. Every time I crack open one of Ellroy’s books, I turn into a big slobbering idiot, so it’s really hard to articulate how excited I am to read this one.

The back cover is a letter from Ellroy to booksellers, written as only Ellroy can do it. You can read it for yourself below (click the picture for a bigger image).

If things weren’t bad before…

After falling even further in the ratings in its new, Saturday night timeslot, NBC is waiting until June to burn off the remaining episodes of Kings. Episode 1×06, “Brotherhood,” will air on June 13th, and the series will conclude its run on July 25th. We’ll be back with our reviews then, and in the meantime, will work hard not to write any Kings-related stories using the words “exiled,” “dethroned,” “deposed,” or “banished.” That’s our promise.


Some Trailer Monday to go with your Tuesday? Let’s do it.

Moon stars Sam Rockwell as the sole custodian of a lunar mining station. It looks like someone beat me to the punch when I thought, “How about Castaway, in space!” My next project, “Castaway, with hookers!” It’s called Hooker Island and it’s sure to be the filthiest thing you’ve ever seen.

Extract is the latest comedy from Mike Judge. In it, some friends try to get Steve Carrell laid while at the same time planning a mall heist to get money to buy this big shipment of weed from a mob boss, who’s played by Gary Cole. The kicker is, Ron Livingston can’t smoke too much pot, or else he’ll be fired by his boss, who’s played by Gary Cole. The kicker is, Ron Livingston hates his job, and is planning on filming a porno movie with his roommate, Elizabeth Banks, to bring in extra cash. The porno’s called The Kicker, and it’s sure to be the filthiest thing you’ve ever seen.

The Taking of Pelham 1, 2, 3, a remake of the 1974 classic (?) has managed to bring two of my favorite things to the big screen. Public transportation and handlebar mustaches. At this point, fact that it’s John Travolta wearing the mustache and hijacking the subway is icing on the cake.

The Lost Symbol

This should make a few people out there happy, as long as they aren’t Catholic. Dan Brown’s long-awaited third novel in the Robert Langdon series, The Lost Symbol, finally has a release date. This is from the official press release…

New York, NY (April 20, 2009) Dan Brown’s new novel, the eagerly awaited follow-up to his #1 international phenomenon, The Da Vinci Code, which was the bestselling hardcover adult novel of all time with 81 million copies in print worldwide, will be published in the U.S. and Canada by Doubleday on September 15, 2009.

The Lost Symbol will have a first printing of 5 million copies, and it will once again feature Dan Brown’s unforgettable protagonist, Robert Langdon. The announcement was made today by Sonny Mehta, Chairman and Editor in Chief of the Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group.

“This is a great day for readers and booksellers,” said Mehta. “The Lost Symbol is a brilliant and compelling thriller. Dan Brown’s prodigious talent for storytelling, infused with history, codes and intrigue, is on full display in this new book. This is one of the most anticipated publications in recent history, and it was well worth the wait.”

In related news, Columbia Pictures is already moving forward with a film adaptation. Again, I’m not even sure this book has anything to do with the Catholic church, but they shouldn’t let that stop them from protesting it. And rightly so. We all knew that if there was ever anything capable of tearing down the Catholic church, it would probably have Tom Hank’s name attached to it.

The entire press release can be read here.

KingsChat 1×05 – “Judgment Day”

Kings has made the big jump to the television graveyard that is Saturday night. I hope you guys are still watching. I was wondering, if Star Trek fans are called Trekkies, and Mad Men fans are called Maddicts, what are Kings fans called? Chumps? Oh, humor! But I digress…

This week we saw Judgment Day, in which King Silas chooses ten criminal or civic cases to preside over. This was only a small part of the episode, but I enjoyed hearing the names of the cases that were picked. These little glimpses the writers give of the world the characters live in have been really interesting to watch. I’d really like to see this show develop some sort of a mythos, much like Battlestar Galactica or Lost. Something to give us a little more history.

Of course, we were still dealing with the fall-out from David’s brother and the insurrection over Port Prosperity from last week’s episode. And if that one didn’t do it for me, this week’s sure did. I hate David’s family. If he’s not willing to support his idiot brother 100% in rebelling against the government, and then won’t do everything possible to get him off the hook afterward, he’s cut off! That little slap David’s mom gave him as she stormed out of the courtroom was just icing on the cake.

This week we were introduced to Andrew Cross, played by the forever-young Macaulay Culkin. He really didn’t have as big a roll in the episode as I thought he would, although I’m sure his character will be fleshed out later in the season. I’m not sure, but the way he was staring absently at that fork while he cleaned it with his napkin makes me wonder if there might be something wrong with him. Did anyone get what was with the shoe William found later in the episode?

With the cases against Reverend Samuels and Doctor Nayar, and then Silas’ visit to Vesper Abadon, I kind of saw this perfect storm coming together in regards to Silas’ relationship with God. While in the pilot, he was ready to be done with Him altogether, in this episode, it seemed like he was coming to terms with God’s role in his life. When Abadon tells him that, because he asked God to be king, he could never count on people being good to him for goodness’ sake, Silas wasn’t angry. It felt like it was something he knew he would have to accept, that he couldn’t change. He also seems ready to patch things up with Samuels, so I’m wondering which side the reverend will land on once William and Jack make their move against Silas.

Now, I know that, at the end of the episode, Katrina Ghent told Silas that she wanted a ministry because of all the “trappings” that came with it, but I thought there was maybe something more there she was just keeping to herself. At least, that’s what I was thinking. Since last week’s episode, she’s certainly turned into Jack’s lapdog, and playing a much more subservient role. Seems like she’s had a pretty big change of heart. Especially when she’s completely shuts Jack down at the end of the episode. And speaking of the prince, once Michelle realizes what he’s up to, that he’s purposely pitting her and David against each other, Jack tells her that with David, he’s fighting for his right to exist. He says he won’t let someone else’s ambition push him off into obscurity. Not after all he’s sacrificed. My question is, what the hell has he sacrificed? Isn’t this the guy who spends the treasury’s money on expensive watches and getting department store clerks to go down on his army buddies? Oh Jack, my heart bleeds for you.

A few more tidbit’s from the episode. Silas saved Ethan, which means that David’s family can finally be nice to him again. Michelle’s health care bill passed. It looks like she had a little help, and I’m wondering if it was Paul she was referring to at the end of the episode when she told David that they could never be together because of a promise she had made. I’m probably way off with that. More likely, it was something to do with the conversation she and Silas had in “Prosperity”. We also saw a little more of Jack’s affinity for men, which I’ve heard is going to be a big plot point in an upcoming episode. As in, Jack being a homosexual isn’t the only way to interpret his relationships. The suspense! Another great episode. The promo for next week was a little vague, so I’ll see you guys here after it airs.