Rob Sez Blob Next Job

Pictured: Rob Zombie, getting ready to gore it up.

Director Rob Zombie recently announced that he’ll be remaking the popular 50s horror movie, The Blob. What’s surprising about the news isn’t that there will actually be a Blob remake, or even that Rob Zombie will be the one to direct it. No, the surprise comes from a recent interview, in which Zombie said…

My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing — that’s the first thing I want to change. That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now.

Brilliant. With Halloween, he’s given us horror without anything scary, and now he promises us The Blob without the Blob. What he needs to do is go back and check out some truly scary movie like Mimic and design a monster like that. Maybe something that turns out to be a bug from another planet and at the end of the movie everybody ends up becoming friends with it. Or maybe he could just show kids in public schools eating unhealthy lunches and charts showing rising child obesity, and then say, “We’re the blobs!” That would be pretty deep and really make people think. While he’s at it, he should cast Mira Sorvino and Charles S. Dutton in leading roles. In related news, Zombie has announced his intentions to remake the successful Santa Claus movies, which starred Tim Allen.

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