LOSTWATCH!! – “That’s not John. This is my friend.”

In Bizarro World, we discover that not only is Jack a father, but he looks good doin’ it! Unfortunately, it’s sooo hard raising a kid and Jack’s having a tough time getting through to the little guy.


While Jack’s at his mom’s place, Jack Jr. packs a bag and runs away. Jack’s not sure what’s happened, but he fears the worst.

Now that’s he’s good and plastered, he starts drunk-dialing all his friends and screaming at them, Mel Gibson style.

He gets it in his head that his ex-wife came to pick him up (Man, that would be so like her, too. Seriously, does she think she can just pull this crap and there won’t be any consequences?), so he heads over to the heartless shrew’s house to get him back. As he’s ripping the place up the phone rings and he hears a sobering message.

Jack rushes to the performance just in time to see his son play. It’s touching. It’s beautiful. Jack catches him out in the parking lot.

On the island, there’s not a lot to do. Everyone’s just kind of bumming around, hanging out.

Hurley realizes that Miles is really starting to annoy the s**t out of him, so he goes off to explore. As he’s shuffling through the temple’s catacombs he sees Jacob, who tells him that he needs to take Jack on a secret mission.

It takes some doing, but Hurley’s able to convince Jack to go with him. They’re making their way through the jungle when they stumble upon Kate washing her nubile body in the river. All that sexual tension is a lot to keep stuffed down inside, and I’m wondering how they don’t just rip their clothes off right there.

Fun’s fun, but Kate’s keepin’ it real. This ain’t no time for jokes and she’s got to get back on the trail.

Women, huh? Jack and Hurley continue toward wherever the hell it is they’re going, which turns out to be a lighthouse. Why did they never see it before? Because they weren’t looking for it, that’s why! I love you, Lost. The two go inside.

When they get to the top, they find a mysterious compass, with mysterious names written around it. Hurley’s ready to go with it, but Jack’s had enough.

Jack collapses in a pile of spent rage and sissy tears. Outside, Jacob appears again and tells Hurley that everything went according to plan. I had a feeling it would.

When we last left Jin, he had gotten his foot stuck in a bear trap after trying to steal one of Claire’s pickinik baskets. Claire sets him free and takes Jin and the Other Other to her weird Jodie Foster teepee out in the jungle. It’s clear right from the start that she’s gone a little stir-crazy.

Jin has to be very careful or else he’ll set Claire off and have her go all Misery on him. She’s questioning the Other Other, convinced that they’re the ones who stole Aaron away from her. When he won’t answer her questions…

This is all par for the course for our timid little Claire, and she tells Jin that everything’s going to be alright.

Then, as if on cue…


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3 responses to “LOSTWATCH!! – “That’s not John. This is my friend.”

  1. Ohhhhh I lolled. I actually say the *chun*/*paah!* part out loud. Wait, did we get through an episode without Kate crying?? I can’t remember…

  2. Hahaha, amazing!

  3. Where to find the RSS button?

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