“There will be blood in the water.”

When did we begin demanding so much from our comic book movies? I think one of the major complaints when books are adapted for the big screen is that they aren’t always faithful to the source material. But because so many comic books — especially the ones they’ve been turning into movies lately — are so unrealistic, when they are faithfully adapted we see them as over the top. Even The Dark Knight, which is probably the best comic book ever made, couldn’t help from doing this when Batman started using that weird dolphin-vision sonar weapon toward the end.

The Dark Knight is actually a good movie to compare Iron Man to. Sonar vision aside, The Dark Knight is probably the grittiest, most realistic (think real-world) portrayal of a superhero we’ve seen on film. Iron Man doesn’t live up to that level of realism, although it’s still a very, very good movie. So which one do we want? Would we rather have realistic, believable characters who could fit into the real world, or would we rather they were faithful to the comic books, over the top though they may be? Are the two mutually exclusive? Do we even need to choose between the two? Given the success of both The Dark Knight and Iron Man, probably not.

Still, after seeing clips of Tony Stark and his crazy briefcase armor and Minority Report computers, I tried to temper my expectations for the second film. Because the first one was so good, I didn’t think there was really any way Iron Man 2 could match it. And you know what? It didn’t. But it came really, really close. I don’t know if it was because the movie is really trying to advance the Avengers part of the Iron Man story, but such a large cast and so many big characters could really have screwed this thing up (Don’t believe me? Go watch Spiderman 3).

But the cast really worked in the movie’s favor, and looking back on it, almost gave us two movies at once. Sure, there are plenty of bad guys for Iron Man to fight, but at the same time Tony Stark is forced to confront the fact that his egotism may preclude him from joining Nick Fury’s team, although most would argue that the point is ultimately lost on him. But you don’t really realize how much movie you’ve just watched until the whole thing is over.

And again, Robert Downey Jr. steals the show. Seriously, can you imagine anyone else in this role? I have a feeling that if Tony Stark were a real person, we’d all be amazed by his iron men, but we’d all call him an asshole behind his back. Mostly because he was rich and slept with all of our girlfriends. But we’d still hang out with him, you know…if he ever wanted to hang. Anyway, the only real weak spot in the movie was Scarlett Johansson, and that’s only when compared to everyone else. I don’t know, there was just something a little boxy about her that I don’t usually see in her other films. But wait. What was that? She’s Scarlett Johansson? You make an interesting point. All is forgiven.

Many of you probably know that Nick Fury makes another appearance in the film. Actually, Samuel L. Jackson’s portrayal of the S.H.I.E.L.D. director is a perfect example of how a realistic depiction of the man can help overcome the character’s sometimes-unbelievable superhero trappings. When he popped up at the end of the first movie and said, “I’d like to talk to you about the Avenger Initiative,” I saw visions of Mace Windu all over again (the horror). With more than ten seconds to work with, he was able to flesh the character out a little bit. I was surprised at how much he sounded like Jules Winfield, and I can guarantee that if Iron Man had been given an R rating, we would have heard an f-bomb or ten.

There are a few things keeping Iron Man 2 from being as good as the first film. For one, I think the filmmakers were a little too eager to introduce War Machine into the mix, and the entire thing ends up feelings a bit shoehorned. Although I will say that I much prefer Don Cheadle to Terrance Howard. Also, for a movie in which Mickey Rourke is clearly the bad guy, I thought he really got short shrift there in the end. In all fairness, there was a lot there to make up for it, including Sam Rockwell — who in a bold move for an actor has foregone making bad films — and Scarlett Johannson in a catsuit.

While almost everyone will probably come out of this movie thinking that the first one was better, I think most of those people are going to be very happy with what director Jon Favreau has given us, and with Thor and Captain America on the horizon, we’ll only look forward to Iron Man 3 (not to mention The Avengers) with more and more anticipation. Oh, yeah. Whatever you do, stay after the credits.

Chris Hemsworth as Thor!

Well, here he is. The iconic Norse thunder god who, next Summer, will either bring Marvel’s Avengers movie one step closer to completion, or ruin the entire thing forever. It’s going to be interesting to see how TPTB introduce the supernatural into a universe that so far has been based so heavily in fancy robots and giant, green monsters.

Photo credit goes to Yahoo! Movies.

I am Iron Man. 2.

Here’s the new trailer for Scarlett Johansson’s latest, Iron Man 2. Wait. She wasn’t in the first one? What the hell was I watching?

Spiderman Getting the Reboot Treatment

Do you remember how excited you were when you heard that Sandman AND Venom would be in Spiderman 3? Do you also remember the movie being so incredibly bad that it gave you kidney stones? Well, take a deep breath and know that all is right with the world. Sony Pictures announced today that the planned Spider Man 4, starring Tobey Maguire and directed by Sam Raimi had been scrapped. Instead, the studio has decided to reboot the franchise and take Spiderman back to his roots: as an angst-ridden teenager coming to terms with strange new powers. That’s right. Emo Spidey is now a thing of the past. Wait. What?

This from Amy Pascal, co-chairman of Sony Pictures Entertainment…

“A decade ago we set out on this journey with Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire and together we made three ‘Spider-Man’ films that set a new bar for the genre. When we began, no one ever imagined that we would make history at the box-office and now we have a rare opportunity to make history once again with this franchise. Peter Parker as an ordinary young adult grappling with extraordinary powers has always been the foundation that has made this character so timeless and compelling for generations of fans. We’re very excited about the creative possibilities that come from returning to Peter’s roots…”

Oh. Now I’m depressed again.

Iron Man + War Machine = spoiler alert

Alright. Thanksgiving’s over, so let’s cut the crap. The first teaser poster for the beloved Iron Man 2 has just hit, so get your wallets ready, because when this one comes out you’re going to want to throw all sorts of money at it.

“You wanted an animal, Colonel. You got it.”

I remember being giddy every time I watched the trailer for the first X-Men movie back in 2000. Finally, my comic book heroes were coming to the big screen! Jean Grey was wicked hot, and casting Captain Picard as Professor X was a stroke of genius. Fast forward to 2009. I knew that Origins had been on the horizon for some time. Was I excited about it? Hey, who saw Southland last week?

X-Men Origins: Wolverine is one of those movies I want to be good, but am afraid of getting my hopes up over. Forget good, I just want it to be decent. After all, there are tons of X-Men fans out there. Don’t they deserve good X-Men movies? Sure they do. Unfortunately, what they get is usually one good movie, which spawns a series of diminishing-returns sequels. This is where Origins landed.

After a stylistic intro that is arguably the best part of the entire movie, the story picks up in Vietnam. Half-brothers James (Jackman) and Victor (Schreiber) are offered jobs with an elite group of mutants run by General William Stryker. Their job is to travel into various third world countries, taking care of all of Stryker’s nefarious shit that’ll pay off later in the film. After watching his teammates kill innocent civilians, James says he’s had enough of the entire thing and leaves. Six years later he’s living in the mountains, chopping down trees and gettin’ joshed by the fellas every time they see him and his girlfriend stealing a smooch. He’s riding high, until he’s tracked down by Sabertooth, who kills his girlfriend. Stryker reappears and tells him that he’ll be able to track down Sabretooth and get sweet sweet revenge, as long as he submits to a secret military experiment, the specifics of which you might already have heard about.

You’ve got some good stuff here. Hugh Jackman is Hugh Jackman. He’s a good actor and does as good a job as he can with what was given to him. I don’t think that will really surprise anyone. Although they don’t have tons of screentime, Ryan Reynolds and Kevin Durand deliver some laughs as Deadpool and the Blob. But the movie’s real standout is Liev Schreiber. His performance, and his role in the film kind of makes you wonder why they wasted his character in the first film. I understand there’s not enough to spend fleshing out every single character they introduce, but come on, it’s Sabretooth.

I grew up watching X-Men cartoons, buying X-Men trading cards, and playing X-Men outside with my friends. While they would get to play cool characters like Wolverine, Cyclops, or Beast, they’d make me play as someone like Toad, and make them all ham sandwiches. My point is that, for me, it’s impossible to approach this movie without that fanboy perspective. So, as a fan, I hate it when movies like these go back and fill in the holes in some character’s backstory so that half of what you saw before no longer makes any sense. In that regard, Wolverine doesn’t disappoint. Or it does. Doesn’t. Does. Yeah, it does. My thoughts on everything are a little unorganized, so I’ll give you one long laundry list. (avast mateys, there be spoilers here)

1. The timeline. If Logan joined Stryker’s team toward the end of Vietnam, the latest this movie could take place at is around 1980, yet we see flatscreen computers and Scott Summers in high school. So, in the 23 short years between this film and X-Men 2, Cyclops hasn’t aged a decade? Forget that, what was the point of having him in the movie in the first place? It reminded me of bad fan fiction. Adding fun references doesn’t do much to help the script.

2. Changing the characters. Toward the end of the movie, we see Deadpool go from wisecracking mercenary to Mortal Kombat reject. Adamantium swords coming out of his arms? Seriously? Characters don’t need to be portrayed exactly as they are in the comics, sure. But are they going to make Wolverine fly and Cyclops be able to change his shape. Well honestly, they might, but you get my point.

3. Speaking of pointless cameos. Later in the film, Cyclops and the others are rescued from Stryker’s base by Professor X, in a cameo by Patrick Stewart. The scene isn’t much different from this…

Cyclops: Hey, a helicopter! And someone’s coming out!

Professor X: You must all get on my helicopter, so I can save you.

Cyclops: Hey, your helicopter has guns and missiles. Why didn’t you try doing anything before?

Professor X: … I’m a telepath.

4. Will.i.am. Hey, isn’t that Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas? Wait, this isn’t a Black Eyed Peas video, why is he talking and doing things?

5. Wasted potential. I always thought Gambit was one of the main characters, like Bishop. I know fans have wanted the filmmakers to put him in the movies for a long time. Why throw his character away after fifteen minutes of screentime? “What’s that, Logan? You have amnesia now? Well, cutting off a mule’s ears doesn’t make it a horse. That’s Creole. I’m from Louisiana. See you around the bayou, mon ami.”

6. About six or seven more scenes of Wolverine fighting Sabretooth, please. About six or seven more scenes of Wolverine fighting Sabretooth, please.

Because I’m an X-Men fan, I can justify giving this movie a B-. Standing on its own merits, Origins gets a C. The actors give us a few bright spots between some cool action scenes, and really, the first twenty minutes or so are pretty good, but after that, this one goes way downhill. Make it a Blockbuster night, assuming there’s still a Blockbuster once this one hits DVD.

“You wouldn’t like me when I’m hungry.”

As I sat in the theater last night, waiting for the movie to start, eyeballing the five rows of fifteen year olds who I know would do nothing but piss me off the entire time, my friend leaned over and said, “I heard this one is supposed to be better than you think.” I remarked that it’s a sad state of affairs when we talk about movies in terms of how much they’re going to disappoint us. He said it was better to go in with low expectations and have those blown away rather than the other way around. I really can’t argue with that. Although I don’t think it was low expectations that made The Hulk so damn fun, it was just that Edward Norton and company put together a good movie.

The Hulk’s been around long enough that, even if you don’t read the comics, you still know the story. Dr. Bruce Banner, in a freaky-deaky science experiment, is bombarded with gamma radiation, which transforms him into a Hulk. An Incredible Hulk. Anyway, he’s strong really strong and always pissed off.

Because we already know the backstory, the filmmakers made a smart move by not going back over the Hulk’s origin. The movie’s kind of like a sequel to another movie that was never made, with Banner’s transformation being skimmed over in a montage during the opening credits. This is good for a few reasons: It allows the filmmakers to advance the story’s narrative a little further than they would be able to otherwise, and it doesn’t retread any ground from the other Hulk – the 2003 film starring Eric Bana (which I’ve never seen, but also have never heard anything good about).

Edward Norton does a great job in the role of Banner. The John Everyman trying desperately to control the powers he’s been stuck with. Starring alongside Norton are Liv Tyler (who I’m liking more and more these days) as Betty Ross, William Hurt as General “Thunderbolt” Ross and Tim Roth as Emil Blonsky, who transforms into baddy Abomination. All have nice resumes and work really well together onscreen.

The filmmakers throw out a few winks to the audience. Lou Ferrigno cameos as a security guard in a pretty funny scene with Norton. And Robert Downy Jr. shows up in the last five minutes as Tony Stark in a nice little bit of continuity that’s sure to make fans of Iron Man (and Marvel’s upcoming movie slate) wet themselves a little. Fans of the comic books with also recognize Tim Blake Nelson’s character, Dr. Samuel Sterns, otherwise known as The Leader. Judging from his last scene in the movie, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him in a sequel.

Again, with disappointments like Spiderman 3 and The Fantastic Four (all of them, EVAR), Hulk stands up very nicely. I’ve heard the DVD is supposed to restore a large amount of cut footage, so that’ll be something to look forward to. As much as I liked this movie, it still wasn’t as good as Iron Man, so I can’t rate it that high, but it gets right up there. If you’re still one who gets giddy at watching superheroes onscreen, this is definitely one to check out in the theaters.

7.5 out of 10 stars

“I am Iron Man.”

I’ve come to the conclusion that comic book movies have to be rated on a different scale than regular movies. I think everyone would agree that you shouldn’t walk into The Incredible Hulk expecting to see Schindler’s List. So if we rate Spiderman 3 as a one (and I really can’t stress how sh***y that movie was) and Batman Begins as a ten (which will soon be replaced by The Dark Knight), Iron Man rates about an 9.

I never really read any of the Iron Man comics, so I can’t say how faithful the movie was to that story. I can say however, that the movie did what a lot of comic book movies don’t: present it’s story in a way that doesn’t make you want to immediately call BS. As I read that back to myself it kind of sounds like I’m saying, “The movie was good because it didn’t suck,” but that’s not at all what I mean. If you can take a crazy story, about an iron man and present it in a way where I’m not thinking the entire time, “There’s no way!”, you’ve won me over.

In the movie, millionaire playboy and weapons magnate Tony Stark is attacked and captured by terrorists during a missile demonstration. They make him a deal, build them a batch of Jericho missiles — the newest and most high-tech in Stark’s arsenal — and they’ll let him live. Instead, he builds an Iron Man suit and kicks everyone’s ass. And as I watched this magnificent superhero single-handedly defeating the forces of terror I knew America’s path and the cause of freedom was righteous and true, and I went home and enlisted in the Army. No but seriously, can you imagine?

Standing in Tony’s way is Obadiah Stane, who’s been secretly selling Stark brand weapons to terrorists and wants to use the Iron Man technology for his own gain. When Tony finds out that it was Stane who engineered his capture in the first place, the gloves come off, and all sorts of smash-’em-up-bad-assery ensues.

SPOILER ALERT!

Casting Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark was a stroke of genius. He was really able to sell the idea that Iron Man is a different kind of superhero. He’s not a Superman or Spiderman, who lives somewhat insulated from his actions behind a secret identity. By the end of the movie, the world knows who he is and what he’s been doing. I loved Jeff Bridges as Obadiah Stane, although every time I saw him on screen I wanted to say, “Yeah, it-it’s a, it’s a bummer, man.” And special kudos to the filmmakers for making me like Gwyneth Paltrow, a feat that before seeing this movie I thought impossible.

It’s always struck me as funny that these days, movies like this have sequels and franchises built into them, and I don’t think there’s any question that we’ll see at least two more Iron Man movies. I’m wondering where they’ll take the whole thing. Anyone who stays for the secret ending after the credits knows that reference is made to superhero group The Avengers. Terrance Howard plays James Rhodes, who in the comics eventually becomes War Machine. And the terrorist group responsible for Tony’s kidnapping is The Ten Rings, backed by Iron Man’s comic book nemesis The Mandarin, so there’s plenty of material there for a few sequels.

Too often, we walk out of superhero movies feeling disappointed, so it was nice coming out of this one thinking that the filmmakers had done things right. Don’t wait for the DVD, catch this one in theaters. A