Merry Christmas!

Move It Move It would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, even those who don’t subscribe to the Christian faith, because they’re the ones who need it most. Stay safe, and may all that booze dull the pain of spending so much time with your families.

TRAILER MONDAY – Tuesday Edition

Another Tuesday, another Tuesday edition of Trailer Monday. First up this week is the hot-off-the-press trailer for FOX’s X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which tells the story of how f**king awesome Gambit is gonna rock this thing!

Last week, the full trailer for Terminator: Salvation, starring Christian Bale was released. I couldn’t really tell what was going on, with all the big explosions and cool looking robots. But I’d guess it has something to do with Christian Bale working with Shia LeBeouf to keep the All Spark away from Megatron. With all the franchises and sequels and threequels we get these days, especially all the ones with big explosions and cool looking robots, I’d say the success of this one hinges soley on how many obligatory little-kid-in-SUV scenes we get. You know, the ones where the robot flies by and the little kid yells, “Cool!”

Finally, we have the trailer for Knowing, starring Nicolas Cage. This is like a big screen version of Jeff Goldblum’s character Ian Malcolm, from Jurassic Park, which was a big screen version of the book by Michael Crichton. Anyway, it doesn’t have any dinosaurs, that we know of.

Andy gets hot and sweaty.

I recently watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I usually stay away from anything teenagers might watch, but I was feeling adventurous, so I tuned in. I have to say, I was confused. For a medical drama, it was awfully sexual. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy sex as much as the next man, but I certainly wouldn’t want to be having it with my doctor. Although, from some of the things he said during my last prostate exam, he might feel differently.

One thing I learned was that doctors all use big words to describe different medicines and fancy new treatments. It was all a little excessive, if you ask me. In my day, there wasn’t anything a doctor couldn’t treat with cocaine and leeches. Unless you were a woman. Then they’d try opium, or put you in an insane asylum. For the woman’s own good, of course.

In the episode I watched, the doctors had to save a young man who had gotten stuck in a block of cement. I’m not sure why. When I was twelve years old, a mule kicked me in the face. Nobody felt the need to help me. The next day, I was out again, milking cows and bailing hay. Imagine that. No fancy doctors to give me cocaine or have sex with me, and I turned out just fine.

After the show was over, I watched a short preview of next week’s episode. It looks like one of the doctors is sleeping with her dead fiance. During the war, I found out a friend of mine was also sleeping with dead people. Trust me, things didn’t turn out as well for him as they probably will for that doctor. But then again, I guess they never do.

Move It Move It is proud to present…

… the newest member of our writing team, writer and longtime political commentator Andy Rooney! Some of you may have read a special guest post Andy did for us last March. We enjoyed it so much we just had to bring him in full-time. We’re very excited and hope you join us in welcoming Mr. Rooney onboard.

TRAILER MONDAY

Next month, Steven Soderbergh’s epic, Che, will be released. The film tells the story of Che Guerva, who inspired Rage Against the Machine to write all that shi**y music.

Next, we’ve got the trailer for Frank Miller’s The Spirit. This is one of those movies like Sin City, where everything was filmed in front of a green screen, and then effects and backgrounds are added in later. If only they had remembered to add in a plot and good acting! WOKKA WOKKA!

Lastly, we have the trailer for Doubt. In this one, Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays a priest who “befriends” a young boy, while Meryl Streep is “nun” the wiser. Boo! Lastly, we have the trailer for Doubt. In this one, Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays a priest who befriends a young Methodist boy, and shows him how important it is for people of different faiths to come together (!). One more. Lastly, we have the trailer for Doubt. In this one, Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays a priest who befriends a young boy and fills him with the Holy Spirit. There’s the money shot. I have no morals.

Alrighty FAIL.

My dreams were realized when Universal announced that after thirteen years, they were finally making another Ace Ventura sequel. Even better, this one wouldn’t have anything to do with Jim Carrey, but instead focus on his son, Ace Jr.! And just to prove how awesome the movie would be, Universal wouldn’t even release it in theaters. Nope. Straight to DVD. That’s confidence. Anyway, my hopes quickly sank after I saw this picture.

… The hell? Just to compare…

Remember the hair? Hair that actually had some sort of shape? Ridiculous? Maybe. Ridiculously funny? Absolutely. Now, let’s go back to Ace Jr.

Instead of sticking with Carrey’s timeless classic, the producers had a stylist design this sloppy, Donald Trump looking peice of shit. C’est la vie, Ace. You’re dead to me. And you can keep the DVD.

TRAILER MONDAY – Tuesday Edition

First, we have the trailer for Daniel Craig’s new film, Defiance. It tells the story of three Jewish brothers who join with Russian resistance fighters, and save hundreds of Jews and other refugees in the process. While their story is truly heroic, we should never forget the real hero, Daniel Craig’s face, who’s rugged good looks and piercing blue eyes constantly inspires the good in us all.

Next month will see the release of Clint Eastwood’s latest, Gran Torino. In this film, the fault lines in Eastwood’s scowl deepen and seismologists predict that the right side of his face could slide into the Pacific within the next ten years.

Lastly, we have the trailer for the romcom (see what I did there?) The Ugly Truth. You’ll bust a gut as Katherine Heigl tries to convince us all that she really is leading lady material. Hilarious stuff, and romantic.

5 Things We Love About Movies With Guns – Casino Royale

In honor of the new James Bond flick, this week we take a look at…

1. Free Running.

If there’s a point to free running beyond looking really cool and jumping over stuff, I haven’t found it. I’m not a pro like this guy here, but try it every now and then. Last weekend, me and a friend of mine went out, and after chasing each other through a construction site, ended up driving a bulldozer through an elementary school. We put kids out on the street. It was on the news. The school district is pressing charges. I think everything’s going to turn out alright, though. Damage was only about $200,000.

2. *gasp*

And then there was this funny part where… Bond is all like… ummmm… what?

3. HOLY S**T NO!

And this is where the movie took a horrible turn. I’m still not sure why I’m sticking this on a “Top 5 Things We Love” list. Maybe it’s because James gritted his teeth and took his beating with gusto. Maybe it’s because I was also once kidnapped by a gang of international criminals, stripped down and repeatedly hit in the soft stuff with a length of thick rope. Long story short, they mixed up the hotel rooms and took me by mistake. They were so embarrassed they comped my hotel room. I had a blast.

4. Rebels.

If it weren’t for generals in third-world countries nobody had ever heard about, Bond villains would never get anything done.

5. The crazy acid trip thing.

At the beginning of every Bond movie, James drops some glue or pop or whatever it is the kids are doing these days, and suddenly naked chicks start dancing and playing cards explode out of thin air. After more than forty years, we just kind of accept it.

And, this week, a bonus number 6…

6. “The name’s Bond. James Bond.”

There he is. His girl is dead, so the entire world’s in trouble. It’s all good, though. Once you see how suave he looks in that suit, you’ll WANT him to shoot you in the kneecap.

That’s all for this week! Want to see a movie reviewed? Write us at fuggidup@yahoo.com.