Monthly Archives: June 2008

New James Bond!

How do you make a character like James Bond relevant and exciting again? Turn him into Jason Bourne, and get Daniel Craig to play him. Mission accomplished! Check out the new Quantum of Solace trailer below.

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“Curve the bullet.”

Let’s go ahead and lay down odds now for when we’ll see the first news report about some idiot fourteen year old who was playing with his dad’s gun and shot up his friend because he thought he could curve the bullet and shoot around him. It’ll happen. It’s a sure thing.

I hadn’t even heard of this movie until a few weeks ago when a friend showed me the trailer, but I gotsta say, holy **** was that ****ing AWESOME! And not awesome in a “wow such a testament to beautiful filmmaking” way, but awesome in that “yeah kill him!” way that is very different yet just as satisfying. Contrary to what your douchebag friend who never got off his Kevin Smith kick says, it’s not a bad thing to enjoy movies who’s main function is to slap you in the face with smash ’em up fight scenes and cool special effects.

In Wanted, James McAvoy plays Wesley Gibson, the loser inside all of us who’s resigned to spending the rest of his life taking crap from everyone around him. Of course, things take a turn for the awesome when Wesley meets the enigmatic Fox, played by Jolie, who tells him that his father belonged to a super secret guild of assassins, and that they’ve chosen him to hunt down his father’s killer. After that, it’s a rollercoaster ride as Wesley discovers the truth about his father, and the assassins who employed him.

I really don’t have anything bad to say about the movie. Solid acting. I hadn’t seen McAvoy in anything before and really enjoyed his performance. I think he’s probably one of the only actors around his age who could have pulled the roll off. If the movie had starred Tobey Maguire I’m pretty sure I would have hated it. For all those looking to jump on that train, Angelina Jolie shoots lots of guns and looks good doing it. Anyone who’s seen commercials for the movie knows that there’s a certain suspension of disbelief involved. I think a strike in the movie’s favor is that it hits you with an intense story, but so it won’t disappear up it’s own a**, levels things out with humor. And humor that’s actually funny, not that “someone dies and James McAvoy takes off his sunglasses and gives us that, ‘Looks like he’s having a bad day’,” crap we see so much these days.

One knock against the movie is some of it’s backstory. They explain where the Fraternity, as it’s called, comes from and how they choose their targets. Some of this will make you cock your eyebrow a bit. It shouldn’t take you out of things too much.

Go check this one out in the theaters, and then buy the Blu-Ray and watch it over and over again on your awesome Bose soundsystem until your friends don’t come around anymore. For as much as I’ve gushed about this movie, I can’t give it a completely perfect score because that’s reserved only for movies like The Departed and There Will Be Blood, but it hits right up there. Make sure to stay through the end of the credits. In a hidden scene, Wesley is met by Tony Stark, who tells him that he and some friends are putting a special team together. Fantastic.

8 out of 10 stars

5 Things We Love About Movies With Guns – Man On Fire

It’s a rare case when we get a movie that was more interesting than the book it was based off of, but that’s exactly what we got with…

Denzel Washington is a washed-up soldier. Dakota Fanning is the little girl that finally forces her way… into his heart. Along the way, lots of people get killed. Let’s take a look!

1. Mexico City.

Maybe Mexico City doesn’t belong on a list of things we love, because it’s obviously the most dangerous city in the entire world (well, maybe behind Bahgdad. MAYBE.). You go outside, you get kidnapped. And probably have your ear cut off. After your parents are robbed of millions of dollars, you’re dumped in your underwear off the Av Insurgentes Nte. Which obviously is pretty horrible. It’s a pretty picture though.

2. Christopher Walken.

“Listen. Creasy. I live heah. In Mexico. I lihve. Like a king. Ovah heah. And. No. I hahve no ideah. If Gawd. Will fuhgive us. For waht. We’ve done. Heah. Hahve some ribs.”

I love Christopher Walken. And what’s not to love? This guy does nothing but hang out, eat barbecue and read off of cue cards.

3. Putting a punk in his place.

“I’m going to tear your family apart piece by piece! YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” Coolest line in the whole movie.

Maybe it’s a good thing the picture is a little blurry. Good guys spend plenty of time getting knocked around by the bad guys, while we in the audience can do little more than cringe and wish it weren’t so. Not in this movie. Creasy has a thing for tearing off people’s fingers, whether it be with a knife, or a sawed-off shotgun, as with this poor bastard.

4. Sticking a big ole’ suppository bomb up someone’s ass.

Not only did Creasy blow up the guy’s motorcade with a bazooka, he strapped him to the hood of a car in his underwear with a bomb up his butt. And then, when he tried the whole, “Leesten Senior Creesy, I am jus’ a profesional. I am sorry about ‘de leedle gurl,” Denzel roasted him. Fantastic.

5. Sacrificing yourself for the little girl.

He shot everybody’s hands off, and still got Dakota Fanning back. Of course, he had to trade himself to save her, but she’s worth it. And in the end, it didn’t matter. He had already been shot and was half dead anyway. So, just when the bad guys think they’re gonna go to work on him, they look, and he’s slumped over in his seat. It’s the ultimate f*** you! Linda Ronstadt’s Blue Bayou plays us out.

That’s all for this week. Until next time! Send suggestions to fuggidup@yahoo.com.

“Daddy horny Michael.”

Move It Move It is reporting on a story reported on by The Moving Picture reported on by The Times Online. It looks like Arrested Development fans may be seeing the Bluth family again, as early as next year. In an interview with Jason Bateman, the co-star of next month’s Hancock has this to say…

“When it was on TV, if you missed one word the whole third act could be vlown for you. And TV is a different experience. You come home and you’ve got to finish a call so you miss the first ten minutes or you get snacky and you go to the fridge and you miss another two minutes, so it’s a different experience to film.”

A hint perhaps? Man, I hope so. Thinking about such a great show being cancelled before it’s time makes me sad, and I cry.

I Want to Believe x2

Yahoo! released two clips from The X-Files: I Want to Believe, due out next month. I still have no idea what the hell the movie’s supposed to be about, but it’s gonna be awesome. Enjoy!

FRAK ATTACK!! – “You are the harbinger of death Kara Thrace.”

Last time on Battlestar Galactica, tensions ran high as Starbuck and Lieutenant Commander Hunter faced-off over the launch keys to the Alabama‘s nuclear missiles. Pushed to the breaking point, Helo and his band of Merry Men relieve Starbuck of duty. But before anyone can breathe a sigh of relief, big dumb Anders stumbles out of his quarters.

Anders: Man, I am so wasted right no– woah. What’s going on?

Anders is all whacked out on Jello-shooters. Needless to say, everything gets shot to s**t, and Gaeta gets shot in the leg.

Everyone’s standing around, with their sweaty muscles, breathing hard and holding guns to everyone’s heads. Starbuck has an idea – she and a few others will jump to Leoben’s baseship to see if his story checks out. Helo nods. That sounds reasonable. Gaeta says his leg hurts. Anyway, they jump to the baseship, or peices of the baseships.

Athena: Looks like we found what’s left of them.

Theoden: So much death.

President Roslin is in sickbay, undergoing diloxin treatments for her cancer. A few beds down, she hears another patient complaining about her treatment. She walks over to take a peek, and guess who it is? Major Kira Nerys from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine!

Roslin: Hi, I’m Laura Roslin. What’s your name?

Kira: We don’t have time for this! Tell the Captain there are five Dominion warships headed straight for the Station!

Roslin: I’m sorry, I don’t get that reference.

Kira tells her to make sure Quark isn’t up to any of his old tricks.

On the baseship, Starbuck and co. learn about the Cylon civil war from Natalie. Natalie says that if they can’t bring things to a decisive end within the next 24 hours, the rebels will seize the capitol. Athena is mobbed by a gaggle of Sharons. The whole thing brings back a lot of unpleasant memories for her.

Athena: I’d really just like to be left alone right now.

Sharon #1: Me too.

Sharon #2: Me three.

Athena: Please. Stop.

Sharon #3: Me four.

Sharon #4: Me five.

Athena: I hate my life.

Back in sickbay, Roslin tries talking to Major Kira again. This whole cancer thing has got her on a religious kick, and she thinks maybe the two of them can find some common ground. Again, she’s disappointed.

Kira: Everyone says he’s just another Starfleet captain, but he’ll always be the Emmisary to me.

Leoben has convinced the other Cylons to let Starbuck see the Hybrid, who’s been coming up with some crazy stuff lately. Her room looks like a Friday night at the UC-Berkeley student union. Smoke, jazz, bohemians snapping their fingers, with the Hybrid right in the middle.

Hybrid: People packed in metal tubes. Cigarettes, death sticks, a clever ruse. The will to live sucked out of me. Teacher never told us this is how life would be. Groovy man.

Crowd: *snap* *snap* *snap* *snap*

Natalie: Screw this. Let’s just unbox D’Anna.

Leoben: Cool beans.

The clock’s just about run out on the Demetrius, and Helo is getting ready to jump back to the Galactica. But suddenly, just before they take off, the baseship appears. Success!

Starbuck: Looks like everything worked out just fine, Helo.

Helo: It sure did, Starbuck. It sure did.

Late that night, Adama and Roslin sit up talking to each other. Adama asks if she’s met anyone or had any experiences that have changed her perspective on things lately.

Roslin: There was this one woman I met in sickbay.

Adama: Tell me about her.

Roslin: Hmm? Oh. Nothing. She’s dead now.

The End

“You’ve underestimated me and the element of surprraaahh!”

If Get Smart were called Threat Level: Midnight, starring Agent Michael Scarn, I think it would have been a lot funnier. I was expecting the movie to be one of this summer’s shining stars, at least a solid comedy. As it was, Steve Carell’s latest left me a little unsatisfied.

Where to start? Carell stars as Maxwell Smart, a member of a super secret intelligence group called CONTROL. After eight long years of listening to “chatter”, he’s finally been elevated to the lofty position of field agent. It’s the greatest day of Max’s life, but just to make things sweeter, he’s been teamed up with super sexy Agent 99, played by super sexy Anne Hathaway. Together, they set off to thwart the diabolical KOAS, who of course want nothing more than to get their hands on nuclear missiles and blow things up.

First off, we have funny man Steve Carell. He’s made comedy gold out of The Office, but for some reason, none of that has translated to any of his movies. It’s like he can’t stop playing Michael Scott, who’s a great character, in The Office, but does nothing to make the Maxwell Smart character his own. Next we have super sexy Anne Hathaway, who’s a great actress and super sexy, but was born twenty years too late to be cast as a believable love interest (in Get Smart at least, but NOT for How Jimmy Bing Moved It Moved It: The Jimmy Bing and Anne Hathaway Story).

I felt that the movie’s story never really came togther. Max is made a field agent, then sent off to Russia with 99 to track down some missiles, then they fight some people and there’s a fire and then they save the President somehow. Along the way they tell a few jokes. You’re left wondering what exactly you’d have to do to get with Anne Hathaway.

Don’t get me wrong, the movie does manage to bring some funny to the game, but it feels like funny supplmented by a movie and not the other way around. It’s a shame too, when you see some of the talent attached: Alan Arkin and David Koechner, even cameos by Patrick Warburton and Bill Murray. Bill Murray! The movie’s here-now-there-later story made me feel like a lot of that talent was wasted.

One of these days, Get Smart will come on at 4 o’clock on a Saturday afternoon while you’re vacuuming your living room. You’ll sit down and watch, and you’ll have a real good time. Until then, you’re not missing too much.

5 out of 10 stars

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