Monthly Archives: August 2009

Rob Sez Blob Next Job

Pictured: Rob Zombie, getting ready to gore it up.

Director Rob Zombie recently announced that he’ll be remaking the popular 50s horror movie, The Blob. What’s surprising about the news isn’t that there will actually be a Blob remake, or even that Rob Zombie will be the one to direct it. No, the surprise comes from a recent interview, in which Zombie said…

My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing — that’s the first thing I want to change. That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now.

Brilliant. With Halloween, he’s given us horror without anything scary, and now he promises us The Blob without the Blob. What he needs to do is go back and check out some truly scary movie like Mimic and design a monster like that. Maybe something that turns out to be a bug from another planet and at the end of the movie everybody ends up becoming friends with it. Or maybe he could just show kids in public schools eating unhealthy lunches and charts showing rising child obesity, and then say, “We’re the blobs!” That would be pretty deep and really make people think. While he’s at it, he should cast Mira Sorvino and Charles S. Dutton in leading roles. In related news, Zombie has announced his intentions to remake the successful Santa Claus movies, which starred Tim Allen.

Family G– Americ– The Cleveland Show

Looks like Seth MacFarlane is going back to the well with his set-up for The Cleveland Show. An awkward son. Crazy neighbors. A baby. When I saw this on American Dad all those years ago, I thought, “This will never last.” Now, American Dad is easily funnier than Family Guy (most of the time, anyway). Maybe it’ll work for him again, here. He must be doing something right. Didn’t FOX just sign him to a million-bajillion dollar contract? That MacFarlane. He’s so hot right now.

Progressive rock fans, rejoice!

You know what big prog rock fans we are, right? Probably not, because we don’t blog about it that much. But when we do, the news is BIG. So, classify this as SOMEWHAT BIG! After an eight year hiatus, supergroup Transatlantic is releasing a new studio album! The Whirlwind will be released on October 27th. Direct your eyes below to learn more.

For Immediate Release
August 26th 2009

TRANSATLANTIC’S THE WHIRLWIND
Coming in October!!

TRANSATLANTIC – the Progressive Rock Supergroup featuring DREAM THEATER’s Mike Portnoy, MARILLION’s Pete Trewavas, THE FLOWER KINGS’ Roine Stolt and Neal Morse (Ex-SPOCK’S BEARD) – will release their long-awaited third album in October 2009.

THE WHIRLWIND is a 77-minute piece of music that is sure to satisfy the band’s legions of fans that have patiently waited almost the entire decade for the reunion of these 4 musicians.

THE WHIRLWIND will be available in two formats:
A Regular Edition Single CD of the entire 77 minute Epic as well as a 2-CD Special Edition containing a Bonus Disc with 8 newly recorded Studio Tracks.
(4 new Transatlantic compositions and 4 Cover Songs)

The Track Listing for the Special Edition is:

Disc One:
THE WHIRLWIND

Disc Two:
1. SPINNING
2. LENNY JOHNSON
3. FOR SUCH A TIME
4. LENDING A HAND
5. THE RETURN OF THE GIANT HOGWEED (Genesis)
6. A SALTY DOG (Procol Harum)
7. I NEED YOU (America / The Beatles)
8. SOUL SACRIFICE (Santana)

TRANSATLANTIC’S THE WHIRLWIND is currently scheduled for the following release dates:

October 23rd 2009: Germany, Austria, Switzerland
October 26th 2009: Europe
October 27th 2009: North America.

Now that your appetite has been sufficiently whetted, you can learn more about Transatlantic on their wikipedia page.

Attack of the Basterds

It’s for Inglourious Basterds, which I love, but it gives off a Star Wars: Episodes 1-3 vibe, which I hate.

basterds poster

TRAILER MONDAY

People got their first glimpse of James Cameron’s Avatar at this year’s Comic Con, and people are already complaining that the movie’s aliens and giant robots don’t look real. The question we’re asking is, why is James Cameron putting aliens and giant robots in a live action remake of Once Upon a Forest?

The teaser trailer for Christopher Nolan’s Inception isn’t giving anything about the movie away. I can give you a hint, though. The working title for the film was The Sweaty and Disturbed-Looking Leonardo DiCaprio. Discuss.

If you ask me, it’s about time they made a movie about underage girls falling in love and having crazy sex with zombies. Enough with all of this vampire crap, you know? Wait, there’s nothing like that in Zombieland? Amusement parks? Right. Amusement parks… Wasn’t Sunday’s True Blood great?

“I want my scalps!”

One of my favorite movie scenes of all time is in Pulp Fiction, where Bruce Willis has just saved Ving Rhames from an incredibly unpleasant fifteen minutes inside Zed the Policeman’s sex dungeon. As Bruce is holding a sword to Zed’s chest, we hear the sound of a shotgun being racked right before Ving Rhames says, “Step aside, Butch.” The whole things ends with a gaping hole in Zed’s hip and the famous line, “I’m gonna get medieval on your ass!” The point I’m trying to make with this long-winded and mostly irrelevant preamble is that I get giddy every time I hear there’s a new Tarantino movie on the way. I first heard about Inglourious Basterds about nine years ago. I’ve been giddy for a long time.

You already know what the movie’s about. Brad Pitt and the Basterds spend their time in World War II France “doin’ one thing, and one thing only. Killin’ Nazis.” There’s more to it than that, though, as the Basterds are being tracked by SS Colonel Hans Landa, aptly nicknamed The Jew Hunter. Elsewhere in France, a young cinema operator plots revenge against those who murdered her family. We’d feel selfish asking for anything else.

As opposed to Tarantino’s other films, I really felt there was something different about Inglourious Basterds. I loved Kill Bill, Reservoir Dogs was great, and Pulp Fiction goes without saying. But if I had to describe Inglourious in a word, it would be “restrained.” The characters aren’t as over the top as in his other films, and for all its violence, that’s not the movie’s focus. The focus is on the more subdued, dialog-heavy scenes that really make up the bulk of the film, and really show off its ensemble cast. I don’t mean any of this as a knock against Tarantino. I think it shows how far he’s come as a storyteller.

As much as Brad Pitt’s role in the movie has been talked up, I don’t even think he’s even in a majority of it. He steals every scene he’s in, though, with his Tennessee drawl and Marlon Brando chin. Aldo the Apache, as he’s called, stands easily amongst Tarantino’s great characters, Jules, Beatrix Kiddo, or Mr. Blonde. For me, two of the movie’s biggest gets were Christoph Waltz and Melanie Laurent, who play Hans Landa and cinema operator Shosanna Dreyfus. Waltz plays an SS colonel with an almost unbelievable sense of devilish glee. Laurent plays Landa’s victim with such a subdued sense of brooding that it’s almost impossible to take your eyes off of her. Also she’s hot.

Oh yeah, the violence. Some of the things done to the characters in the film are truly horrible. People are shot in the head, stabbed in the head, and smashed in the head with baseballs bats. At first, it may make you feel a little uncomfortable. You realize how desensitized to violence you’ve become, and you hang your head in shame as you remember how sweet and innocent you were as a child. Then you remember that the people being hurt are Nazis, and the world somehow rights itself. I think it’s an important lesson for children to learn. Violence is fun, as long as the person you’re being violent toward deserves it. They said something about that on Sesame Street a couple of weeks back. Anyway, if you haven’t already, get out to the theaters and see this one. It’s definitely one of Tarantino’s best, and was definitely worth the wait.

Things We Like #2: Auto-Tune the News

I’m really starting to hate cable news shows, but Auto-Tune the News is helping.

BLOOD’S A ROVER by James Ellroy

I’ve recently discovered this thing called “journalistic integrity.” The thing is, you’re supposed to tell people if the article you’re writing is in any way biased, or if you as a writer aren’t being 100% objective. It’s supposed to be wild. So let me start this thing by saying that I love James Ellroy, I love his books, I especially love the Underworld U.S.A. trilogy, and that my copy of Blood’s a Rover is an ARC that was sent to me by the publisher. With that in mind, I’ll try and present as fair and balanced a review as I can. Let the Great Experiment begin!

It’s been eight long years since The Cold Six Thousand was published. Plenty of time for us to get our hopes up, hopes that once the new book came out it would make our collective socks roll up and down. Rest assured that Ellroy’s brought his A game. His protagonists certainly haven’t lost any of their piss. Returning is ex-cop Wayne Tedrow Junior, who after the events of the last novel, has finally come into his own. Also returning is FBI man Dwight Holly, in hock and working for J. Edgar Hoover. Rounding out Ellroy’s trifecta is kid P.I. Donald “Crutch” Crutchfield, who’s forced his way into the life, and may not live long enough to regret it.

Blood’s a Rover continues the various and sundry plot lines from the previous books while setting up several new ones. The Mob is bilking Howard Hughes and using the cash to build casinos in the Dominican Republic. A declining J. Edgar Hoover continues his crusade against black America, this time setting his sights on the militant movement. And of course there’s Cuba, the monkey no one can seem to shake off their back.

If you were to describe the first two books in the trilogy as “sprawling,” you could describe the third as “personal.” In American Tabloid and The Cold Six Thousand, Ellroy wrote what he writes best: hard-hitting badass noir. Only then he threw it up on a much grander stage. It reached across oceans and included everyone from the President of the United States to low-level gangsters. There’s no shortage of any of that in Rover — as Ellroy says, the book is filled with his trademark craaaaazy shit — but Ellroy does seem to have gone back to some of the more familiar ground he tread in his L.A. Quartet.

The book opens in Los Angeles, with an armored car heist and a load of stolen emeralds. It’s a setting and a crime that Ellroy is very much at home with. He also returns to one of his most prevalent themes: powerful women. This time it’s in the form of Joan Klein, the Red Goddess who quickly becomes the obsession of Ellroy’s protagonists. Actually, the female characters in Rover are the most powerful Ellroy has ever written. The power they hold over men isn’t just sexual, but real power.

I think that for Ellroy, writing Blood’s a Rover was extremely cathartic. Anyone who’s read his memoir, My Dark Places won’t be able to help but see Ellroy himself inside Donald Crutchfield. With that in mind, we see that it’s Ellroy himself who’s living, not what’s explicitly described in the books, but what those events are representative of. Destruction. The fascination with the darkness inside us all. Perhaps most importantly, the power that women have over the lives of men. This is why I would describe the book as personal. Crutchfield makes his bones after throwing in his lot in with Tedrow and Holly, but it’s Ellroy we see making that journey. The man who emerges on the other side is mature. He embraces, respects, and accepts the process that’s made him who he is. This gives us a new appreciation for the book’s title, which was taken from “Reveille,” a poem by A.E. Housman.

Clay lies still, but blood’s a rover;
Breath’s a ware that will not keep.
Up, lad; when the journey’s over
There’ll be time enough for sleep.

I have to admit, when I first read Blood’s a Rover, I wasn’t sure what to think. It was only when I looked at it in the context of the entire trilogy that I realized what a powerful book it was. Ellroy’s characters are paying the price for their dark deeds, and that story provides the trilogy with a perfect third act. The author, through his characters speaks with a maturity and wisdom that until this point we have not seen in him. For years we’ve waited and Ellroy hasn’t disappointed. He’s finally delivered his masterpiece.

Blood’s a Rover will be released on September 22. You can preorder it now at amazon.com.

This season, on Curb Your Enthusiasm…

…the Seinfeld reunion show!

“There are a lot of secrets in District 9.”

One of my Creative Writing professors used to sit at the front of the class behind his stupid beard while pontificating about how science fiction could never stand up to literary fiction. It was too childish and never dealt with serious themes. Every now and then a movie like District 9 comes along, pushes my professor in the dirt and kicks him in the crotch.

District 9 is the most exciting movie to come along all Summer, and maybe all year. In the movie, an alien ship appears in the skies over Johannesburg, South Africa. What’s found inside is close to a million sick and starving aliens. The prawns, as people begin calling them, are relocated to a militarized slum called Johannesburg, South Africa. Zing! But really, after being relocated, the aliens quickly turn into second class citizens. They’re a burden on the government, and the people want them gone.

Director Neill Blomkamp — who got to direct District 9 after Peter Jackson’s big-budget Halo movie fell through — brings together archived footage along with faux interviews to weave the film’s narrative. The interviews discuss the problems faced in integrating almost a million alien refugees into the South African population. Weapons smugglers, riots, protests, Nigerian gangsters. You walk away feeling like you’ve been lied to your entire life. Alien invasions don’t look like Will Smith punching a monster in the face and yelling, “Welcome to Earth!” They look like this.

From the trailer, you get the sense that District 9 is made up completely of documentary footage. This isn’t the case. There’s an actual movie in here too, which follows Wikus Van Der Merwe, played by newcomer Sharlto Copely. He and a group of government workers are tasked with serving the aliens living in District 9 eviction notices, giving them the required 24-hour notice before they’re relocated to another government camp. This is where you see most of the movie’s action, along with one of its most obvious criticisms.

People have argued that the filmmakers tried to make the movie too many things at once, but I don’t agree. A straight-out scifi action movie might not be able to as effectively deal with the themes of apartheid that District 9 does so well. A straight-out documentary may have been too bland, and not packed the emotional punch the “film” part of the film does. District 9 is ambitious, and I think it accomplished everything it set out to.

In the end, what makes District 9 such a great film is what made Battlestar Galactica such a great TV series: science fiction in which the science fiction doesn’t eclipse the characters. Big explosions and flashy fight sequences will always be a part of it, but truly great science fiction teaches us something about ourselves, and doesn’t just throw cool special effects in our faces. District 9 has the action and the special effects, but also the drama that really brings it to the next level. It’s got everything, except for Will Smith, but I guess there’s always hope for the sequel.

One final note: Halo sucks, and it was totally worth that movie falling through to have District 9 made instead.