Monthly Archives: August 2009

Rob Sez Blob Next Job

Pictured: Rob Zombie, getting ready to gore it up.

Director Rob Zombie recently announced that he’ll be remaking the popular 50s horror movie, The Blob. What’s surprising about the news isn’t that there will actually be a Blob remake, or even that Rob Zombie will be the one to direct it. No, the surprise comes from a recent interview, in which Zombie said…

My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing — that’s the first thing I want to change. That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now.

Brilliant. With Halloween, he’s given us horror without anything scary, and now he promises us The Blob without the Blob. What he needs to do is go back and check out some truly scary movie like Mimic and design a monster like that. Maybe something that turns out to be a bug from another planet and at the end of the movie everybody ends up becoming friends with it. Or maybe he could just show kids in public schools eating unhealthy lunches and charts showing rising child obesity, and then say, “We’re the blobs!” That would be pretty deep and really make people think. While he’s at it, he should cast Mira Sorvino and Charles S. Dutton in leading roles. In related news, Zombie has announced his intentions to remake the successful Santa Claus movies, which starred Tim Allen.


Family G– Americ– The Cleveland Show

Looks like Seth MacFarlane is going back to the well with his set-up for The Cleveland Show. An awkward son. Crazy neighbors. A baby. When I saw this on American Dad all those years ago, I thought, “This will never last.” Now, American Dad is easily funnier than Family Guy (most of the time, anyway). Maybe it’ll work for him again, here. He must be doing something right. Didn’t FOX just sign him to a million-bajillion dollar contract? That MacFarlane. He’s so hot right now.

Progressive rock fans, rejoice!

You know what big prog rock fans we are, right? Probably not, because we don’t blog about it that much. But when we do, the news is BIG. So, classify this as SOMEWHAT BIG! After an eight year hiatus, supergroup Transatlantic is releasing a new studio album! The Whirlwind will be released on October 27th. Direct your eyes below to learn more.

For Immediate Release
August 26th 2009

Coming in October!!

TRANSATLANTIC – the Progressive Rock Supergroup featuring DREAM THEATER’s Mike Portnoy, MARILLION’s Pete Trewavas, THE FLOWER KINGS’ Roine Stolt and Neal Morse (Ex-SPOCK’S BEARD) – will release their long-awaited third album in October 2009.

THE WHIRLWIND is a 77-minute piece of music that is sure to satisfy the band’s legions of fans that have patiently waited almost the entire decade for the reunion of these 4 musicians.

THE WHIRLWIND will be available in two formats:
A Regular Edition Single CD of the entire 77 minute Epic as well as a 2-CD Special Edition containing a Bonus Disc with 8 newly recorded Studio Tracks.
(4 new Transatlantic compositions and 4 Cover Songs)

The Track Listing for the Special Edition is:

Disc One:

Disc Two:
6. A SALTY DOG (Procol Harum)
7. I NEED YOU (America / The Beatles)

TRANSATLANTIC’S THE WHIRLWIND is currently scheduled for the following release dates:

October 23rd 2009: Germany, Austria, Switzerland
October 26th 2009: Europe
October 27th 2009: North America.

Now that your appetite has been sufficiently whetted, you can learn more about Transatlantic on their wikipedia page.

Attack of the Basterds

It’s for Inglourious Basterds, which I love, but it gives off a Star Wars: Episodes 1-3 vibe, which I hate.

basterds poster


People got their first glimpse of James Cameron’s Avatar at this year’s Comic Con, and people are already complaining that the movie’s aliens and giant robots don’t look real. The question we’re asking is, why is James Cameron putting aliens and giant robots in a live action remake of Once Upon a Forest?

The teaser trailer for Christopher Nolan’s Inception isn’t giving anything about the movie away. I can give you a hint, though. The working title for the film was The Sweaty and Disturbed-Looking Leonardo DiCaprio. Discuss.

If you ask me, it’s about time they made a movie about underage girls falling in love and having crazy sex with zombies. Enough with all of this vampire crap, you know? Wait, there’s nothing like that in Zombieland? Amusement parks? Right. Amusement parks… Wasn’t Sunday’s True Blood great?

“I want my scalps!”

One of my favorite movie scenes of all time is in Pulp Fiction, where Bruce Willis has just saved Ving Rhames from an incredibly unpleasant fifteen minutes inside Zed the Policeman’s sex dungeon. As Bruce is holding a sword to Zed’s chest, we hear the sound of a shotgun being racked right before Ving Rhames says, “Step aside, Butch.” The whole things ends with a gaping hole in Zed’s hip and the famous line, “I’m gonna get medieval on your ass!” The point I’m trying to make with this long-winded and mostly irrelevant preamble is that I get giddy every time I hear there’s a new Tarantino movie on the way. I first heard about Inglourious Basterds about nine years ago. I’ve been giddy for a long time.

You already know what the movie’s about. Brad Pitt and the Basterds spend their time in World War II France “doin’ one thing, and one thing only. Killin’ Nazis.” There’s more to it than that, though, as the Basterds are being tracked by SS Colonel Hans Landa, aptly nicknamed The Jew Hunter. Elsewhere in France, a young cinema operator plots revenge against those who murdered her family. We’d feel selfish asking for anything else.

As opposed to Tarantino’s other films, I really felt there was something different about Inglourious Basterds. I loved Kill Bill, Reservoir Dogs was great, and Pulp Fiction goes without saying. But if I had to describe Inglourious in a word, it would be “restrained.” The characters aren’t as over the top as in his other films, and for all its violence, that’s not the movie’s focus. The focus is on the more subdued, dialog-heavy scenes that really make up the bulk of the film, and really show off its ensemble cast. I don’t mean any of this as a knock against Tarantino. I think it shows how far he’s come as a storyteller.

As much as Brad Pitt’s role in the movie has been talked up, I don’t even think he’s even in a majority of it. He steals every scene he’s in, though, with his Tennessee drawl and Marlon Brando chin. Aldo the Apache, as he’s called, stands easily amongst Tarantino’s great characters, Jules, Beatrix Kiddo, or Mr. Blonde. For me, two of the movie’s biggest gets were Christoph Waltz and Melanie Laurent, who play Hans Landa and cinema operator Shosanna Dreyfus. Waltz plays an SS colonel with an almost unbelievable sense of devilish glee. Laurent plays Landa’s victim with such a subdued sense of brooding that it’s almost impossible to take your eyes off of her. Also she’s hot.

Oh yeah, the violence. Some of the things done to the characters in the film are truly horrible. People are shot in the head, stabbed in the head, and smashed in the head with baseballs bats. At first, it may make you feel a little uncomfortable. You realize how desensitized to violence you’ve become, and you hang your head in shame as you remember how sweet and innocent you were as a child. Then you remember that the people being hurt are Nazis, and the world somehow rights itself. I think it’s an important lesson for children to learn. Violence is fun, as long as the person you’re being violent toward deserves it. They said something about that on Sesame Street a couple of weeks back. Anyway, if you haven’t already, get out to the theaters and see this one. It’s definitely one of Tarantino’s best, and was definitely worth the wait.

Things We Like #2: Auto-Tune the News

I’m really starting to hate cable news shows, but Auto-Tune the News is helping.